i don't know why i do it


if i utilize the mindspace on other things other than the subject of love, i would have probably conquered the world by now

wrote a novel

painted several series

maybe even have found a cure for aids

i don't want to waste any more mindspace on it

you are my alibi

a bottle of moscato di asti
mixed with three parts serotonin
his words tightly spun together, and tied into a noose
a cup of false pretenses seen through rose colored glasses

the thump of your heart
the thud of his fist
the thump of your heart
the thud of his fist

tha-thump

tha-thump

tha-thump

the stickiness of dried asti on skin

tha-thump
tha-thump

you see it coming

and you step up on your soapbox
and jump


thud...

I met up with teresa, martha, and rachel at LACMA to check out the Magritte show titled "The Treachery of Images." if you have a chance, you must see it. I loooooved it. It was a comprehensive show, featuring an extensive collection of his work. Also featured in the show are contemporary artists whose works are influenced by Magritte. But you have to see the installation of the show. As a curator and one who installs shows, I really appreciate the effort put into this show. It was too much for me in one day so I intend to roll through one more time, this time, doing the audio tour.

Sorry for the momentary art geek talk. But shit was dope (did I redeem myself for cussing?)





After the show, and after soy chai lattes, I said goodbye to the girls and headed out to Chinatown for soulpeople's "Holiday Fresh"

Carlie hooked me up with this gig


Jason yap (Remy's on Temple Art Gallery), Sarah (roommate extraordinaire) and moi. Sarah helped lay color on the wood, preparing it for mark canto.




Apparently he is a recent graduate of the handsome boy modeling school




pylet7 came out to play too!




Ralph from Rime Magazine








Could never take good crowd pics with a point and shoot. I need to read the manual.

entered maureen's office, greeted by two more supervisors, and they offered me the job.

so i am full time at the writers guild. which means, i am double-employed.

and the double income would allow me to:

[ ] have health insurance. now i can rough house as much as i want. that skateboard i tucked in the corner of my back room is now coming out. (last time i rode it, i fell on my side and hurt my wrist. i had no insurance so i had to risk healing an broken wrist.) and i can finally get a full physical since i am training!

[ ] continue shopping for a car. although i am not too crazy on payments. but i should be okay. i paid a credit card off and i am debtless.

[ ] fix my damn driveway!!!! though mitzi's idea of us doing it ourselves sounds fun, i was a disbeliever. she claims to have paved a driveway when she was living in Italy, but when i asked her what her plan was, she says "come on!!! how hard is it for us to do it ourselves.) ((( insert one raised eyebrow face here )))

[ ] paint my house. ok, so this i can do myself.

[ ] take more art and design classes. although working at the guild is not so sexy, updating my skills will help me out later on down the line.

[ ] tell my parents not to worry about me anymore. my folks love me but they don't understand why i chose to be an artist and not a nurse. they don't understand why don't like keeping a steady job and they don't recognize my working at home is a full time job. now they can see that i am going to be doing both.

[ ] free movie screenings and industry dinners

but here some things i am not looking forward to:

[-] commitment!!!! fuck man, that means i gotta be some place, at a certain time, for a certain period of time. yea yea, but try working your own schedule and being mobile for a bit. that shit was fun

[-] no more last minute trips

[-] not working for my current boss. shit, he's cool!

[-] disappearing off the face of the earth. with working here, and working at home, and trying to produce and curate shows means "no more casual nights out" for alfie

but i am not complaining. i got certain things to achieve and now i have less worries. just means i have to adjust and as a virgo, i can adapt to any given situation..

eargasm: carmen rizzo : the lost art of the idle moment

eyegasm: the embracing cloudy LA day

sippin': on a cup of coffee made by an officemate

feelin': senses are dull

made it back home yesterday around noon. thank you to vanessa who sponsored the taking to LAX/picking me up from LAX/lending her digital camera segment of the trip.

after a yummy brunch/lunch at nick's coffee shop on pico, i came home and crashed the fuck out. at that point, i had not slept in more than 48 hours and when i saw my bed, i crawled in my bed and slept for a eight or so hours.

when i woke up, we had cable.

cable

cable, as in we have more than two hundred channels.

and a working remote

sweet lord jesus.

i didnt know what to do with myself so i had it stay on VH1 and watched videos.



so no recap on nyc until i get my pictures from bunny. but it is great to be home.

but anytime you walk away from your current perspective in life, go somewhere else for a week, then come back, you can't help but see it as a brand new slate.

so with that...

i promise to:
[+] focus more and more on my personal work
[+] ride on this wave of inspiration
[+] love hard and freely with no fear
[+] keep up with my fitness log
[+] spend more time with my family
[+] keep it focused on what matters
[+] cook more and stop eating out so much
[+] remind Self that passion is not overrated
[+] saving money because saving money is sexier than spending it
[+] sign up for boxing class
[+] buy my damn bike already
[+] learn to say "yes" more
[+] learn to say "no"


ok, so, maybe now i should start working. no boss today. just me and my sister. now you understand how hard it is to focus today? hahahahha!


Yoshitomo Nara
Light My Fire
Wood, acrylic, cotton, 2001
188 x 73 centimeters

location: silk road cafe : chinatown : NYC
time: evening : minutes run to each other when jetlagged and running free
companion: mint tea and postcards that need to be sent out
feeling: home away from home

we have been reduced
to the size of
half-inch paper cranes

each second resides
on a petal ofa a cherry blossom

each giggle resonates
in the lines of golden swirls

all cursive letters
from dancing fingertips
now live in the folds of the body
holding each crease
in place
which replaced
our own hold of the folds

we have been reduced
to the size of half inch paper cranes
which he has placed in a shoe box
tucked in the corner of a closet
where they fly freely
in the dark...


a. ebojo 2006

I probably should go to bed... Or maybe I should continue to pack. But the past 48 hours has been a trip in itself.

Got hit with a 24 hour bug. Fever from 6pm last night to 6pm today. I feel fine now. Just a little run down. But that whole experience was weird.

My new roommate sarah thinks its because my body demanded rest. "you have been running around like crazy lately. Maybe its your body finally giving in."

Whatever it is, I am glad it came and it left. Because I don’t know how I am going to be in a plane with a fever.

So instead, I have Waking Life playing in the background, sipping on some lemonade, and trying to organize the area a bit before I leave.

And one thing I am realizing is how hard it is to keep centered and organized when my life is just a whirlwind of opportunities and experience keeping me off guard and enamored.



But I digress...

Anyways, my kuya and his wife came down for a visit on Sunday. Met up with them for brunch and some how intrigued them to go to venice beach for a walk. I had to walk off the chorizo and egg breakfast I got from CJ's.

Besides, luca from italy personally asked me to take pics of Venice Beach for him. So here you go...


It took us foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to find parking around Venice Beach. I love my area but man, by the time it is the weekend, it is over run by tourists. Now you know why on the weekends, I tend to chill at the house a lot.


That's arndog looking irritated at me...


But we finally found parking in BFE and had a nice walk till we got to the thick of things


And speaking of "thick of things" check out the mannequins and how big the booties are! sweeeet! we are getting some sort of representation out there! (gonna have to tilt your head because I am way too tired to fix it)


"oh look, easy e, bob marley, marvin gaye, hendrix, richard pryor. Damn, someone is capitalizing on the deaths of famous black men. All they need is tupac and biggie..." -I didn't say that,btw...


How fun is this guy's job


Then we came across to this mural that I absolutely loved. How fun is this piece? I recognize one of the artists as chase but I don't know who he collaborated with.








I thought this was a cute pic of them. Hahahha!


But of course if you are going to make people succumb to your picture-taking madness, you should also oblige when the tables are turned


Aaaaah, blowing sea breezes and smog makes boufanty (I don’t know how to spell that word. Just sound it out) hair.

wedding story clause

so i won't tell you how faith and b's wedding was because a. there is no justice put on how dope it was b. there is not pictures to show any of us getting drunk and c.you don't know them!!! (not that you know any of my ohter friends but they make great picture stories.)

but who you do know is my godson

vanessa and jason had to leave abruptly because malcolm had an accident. ..

from vanessa's email this morning:

while we were at the wedding, my mom and sister gave him a bath and tried to get him ready for bed. as my sister sat with him in the tub, my mom shut off the water and reached for his towel. but malcolm loves the water so much he dove for the spigot and busted his eye on the plunger. there was a cut on the inside of his eyelid and he bled a little bit. my mom freaked out and called the paramedics and had him taken to west hills ER. We met them there and after 2 and a half hours, were told that luckily, he had only cut his eyelid and his eyeball was A-OK. So he's got this killer black eye and some antibiotic eye drops, but he will be fine. Thanks for the calls and concerns!!! he's up and about and ready to put another eye out...

i got sunshine... on a cloudy day...

it is abnormally (but wonderfully nice) cloudy today in LA. yesterday was gorgeous- bright blue skies, a cool breeze. it was a perfect sunday for brunch at CJ's and a Sunday drive to Venice Beach. (pictures of that coming soon.)

but today, it's cloudy. and i am not one to complain. in fact, i love it. some people don't like grey days. to me, it's embracing. almost like a cool hug from the sky.

and shit, at least it is not like the heat wave we had a few weeks ago. whew...

today is a perfect day to walk over to the 3rd street farmer's market, buy an almond biscotti, some fuji apples, and a latte. or maybe some curry at the malaysian restaurant, the banana leaf. it may not be a sunny hot day where people are looking for a good time, being active, throwing the "energy" around. this is one of those days you breathe in, reflect, and smile, reminding ourselves that life is a beautiful thing, if you let it be.

in the antarctic, its way too cold for water droplets to hang around the air. these pics from yahoo are rare cloud formations in the antartic. normally, clouds water in gas formation condensed, droplets held in the air before it gets too heavy and it rains.

these clouds are formed by crystals of ice being caught and moved by a jet stream in the air and the sunlight in dusk illuminating them. it forms a beautiful mother of pearl-like opulance.

pictures from yahoo.com

i personally like clouds that remind us something bigger...

photographer unknown

speaking of "love written in the sky", faith and b got married this weekend in the beautiful calamigos ranch in malibu. the wedding was so touching, it made cynical bastard phloe cry.

taken from my toy cell phone camera

which i need to replace soon because apparently, my nose disappears when i take pic with it...

suicide part 2




Artist: Les Nubians
Album: One Step Forward
Title: Amour à mort (Love Died)


T’es prêt à t’priver d’ta vie pour ta diva
C’est pas du vent
Tu dis « t’aimer m’rend téméraire »
Comme c’est divin

On cherche l’amour sans trêve
C’est qu’sans amour, on crève

T’échangerais une promesse du paradis
contre ma paire d’yeux
Regarde-moi de loin
Comme si mon garde du corps était Dieu
J’t’avais pas vu dans la mire
Un pavé dans l’amour
Endure tes vers pour entendre les gens dire
Qu’tu m’rendras légendaire

On cherche l’amour sans trêve
C’est qu’sans amour, on crève

Tu veux partager c’que je suis
C’que j’vaux, c’que j’vis
C’que j’vois, c’que j’ai vu
Et après on verra
Si l’amour meurt, alors dis moi c’qu’il reste
Des cases vides, des causes injustes
Juste des gestes

Tu dis qu’tu tuerais pour moi
Trouve une cible émouvante
Prouve-moi que tu m’aimes à mort
Au moins autant qu’tu t’en vantes

La balle au bout du fusil
Le fusil à bout de bras
Du braconnier à bout de souffle
La balle siffle
Un corps s’affale sa vie défile
Le bourreau s’tire dans la foule
Et moi, émue, je reste couchée

C’est moi qu’il a touché.

so my thoughts to you: you can mourn for a death, but make sure you celebrate a life

suicide

"If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die."
Maya Angelou



so my thoughts to you, don't die

i got better things to do than to read jessica hagedorn poetry!

um... no i don't

Sorcery

there are some people i know
whose beauty
is a crime.
who make you so crazy
you don't know
whether to throw yourself
at them
or kill them.
which makes
for permanent madness.
which could be
bad for you.
you better be on the lookout
for such circumstances.

stay away
from the night.
they most likely lurk
in the corners of the room
where they think
they being inconspicuous
but they so beautiful
an aura
gives them away.

stay away
form the day.
they most likely
be walking
down the street
when you least
expect it
trying to look
ordinary
but they so fine
they break your heart
by making you dream
of other possibilities.

stay away
from crazy music.
they most likely
be creating it
cuz
when you're that beautiful
you can't help
putting it out there.
everyone knows
how dangerous
that can get.

stay away
from magic shows.
especially those
involving words
words are very
tricky things.
everyone knows
words
the most common
instruments of
illusion.

they most likey
be saying them.
breathing poems
so rhythmic
you can't help
but dance.

and once
you start dancing
to words
you might never
stop.

this is my week to work and i was looking forward to an over-air conditioned office.

and just my luck, the ac on the second floor broke.

suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!

and i think there is a conspiracy.

cuz the third floor and the fourth floor has air conditioning. in fact, its like the artic up there.

and the first floor has their AC blowing out icicles. and good for them, cuz then all the writers and the members of the guild can come to the shnazzy library we have down there and write their sitcoms and screenplays.

the second floor consists of the drone ants.

i just came back from my house. i had to take a shower at my lunch break. i am that hot. and i am about to strip down to my bra soon (my boss and other co-worker left cuz they can't take it.)

but its alot better than my house. i won't complain too much.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The things I get myself into

Just came back from the meeting


Oh lord...

Fishnet stockings

Leather whips

And thongs

Black velvet with cinchers

Spike stiletto heels

Men who wink when you meet them

Red walls





And I just signed a contract that I cannot take any pictures.

Wtf??

maybe it is time for me to finish this...



i should probably working and stop writing poetry...





i inhale your exhales filling me with air so sweet
rather than keeping it in and place it under lock and key
i release it into cotton candy ballads
hopefully to envelop you into a rapture of psalms

my flow carresses you where no finger tips can convey
my gazes inspire you in which no words can say

and though we exchange these games of teasings and breathings
i flip thru the WORD from deuteronomy to ephesians
hoping to find any type of redeeming light
because it is getting harder and harder to be that good little girl
while you are just five goosebumps away
and at a three smile distance

and i find myself yearning with mental joustings
tagged with exclamation marks

and i find myself wanting to collect your days
place it in a leather pouch
put it on my shelf
and then saving it for later

and i found myself waiting for whispers down back
uses kisses as periods

and i find myself wanting to feel the sunrise
heating dew drops between caramel thighs
as i relay you thru giggles and sighs
my interpretation of god's painted earth

but see, to articulate the art of noise
would already have been too late
for my head already had shouted bouts of doubts
therefore quieting any singing in my head
or qwelling throbbing by things other than my heart


( too be continued...)

i can't believe it has been six months since i have posted on my health blog

this is not my health blog; i started a new one somewhere. the purpose for me is to keep up a diary on line so i can stay focus on being fit.

well... you learn alot from not doing something the same way you do when you DO do something.

so here is my post for the day in my fitness blog... come on, alfie. stay on track!!!


========

it's done. i have lost my readers. well, one thing i have learned about this whole ordeal is that there is no room for talking.

absolutely none.

i found the following to be true:

1. most people don't care that you are trying to lose weight.- they don't want to hear it, no matter how much you want to show them you are excited or how much you are trying to convince yourself that you are excited. and this is not about you (although you should really wonder why you talk about it in the first place.be accountable) but it may be a reflection on what is inside of them. often times, the ones who are "okay" with themselves will be encouraging. i dont know about the ones who discourage; that is something i dont want to ask or get into a dialogue. "hey, are you cool with your body image? no? is that why you cut me down?" but really, why do you need people's validation? just do it. (yes, the "you" i am talking about is me. but if you feel it speaks to you, then take the message.)

2. keeping a blog on health is time-consuming. if i have problems finding the time to work out, what makes you think i have time to write about it?

which leads me to...

3.its boring to read about when or how you work out. but nonetheless, you do it. not to keep the readers (which is basically my support group) but to visually see you are doing something. i don't have anybody to report to but myself, so i should do it here.



HOWEVER...

with my time gone, i learned a few things and changed a few things...


what i learned is this...

1. comfort food will make you fat so i spent most of my time nursing a broken heart, stressing over no time, and worrying about things in the far future or which hasn't happened yet. so what i have done is cut down in my sugar intake.

the crash is a muthafawka. i can't be nursing receptors that are thriving on biochemicals that saddens me. its an ongoing cycle.

so instead, i paint.. i draw... i take walks and i read.

2. i will always lead a busy lifestyle, there for, i shall have to fit the workouts in my daily life. so.. i started walking to work, to the grocery store and carrying the bags home, stretch or do sit-ups or push-ups for stress relief. i must interweave more physical activity in my day. make it a part of my life.

3. opting to do more physical activities with friends rather than to sit and eat. breaking bread is a beautiful thing. preparing food with love is a nurturing event that we all can take part in. but i can't have that be the ONLY thing my friends and i can do.


basically, i am trying to up the level in my activity in my lifestyle. so far so good. i have lost some weight already and that earns enough confidance for me to press forward. that is all i want, affirmation. but i can't get it from just people encouraging from me: i gotta find it for myself, IN myself.


so on with the journey...

NOMMO/Voices of Exchange May 26th, 2006








NOMMO and FOSHO Entertainment presents:





WHAT:


Voices of Exchange


A Night of World Music, Art, and Spoken Word


Spoken word+music+art+capoeira+JAVA!





WHERE;


Synergy Cafe & Lounge


4455 Overland Avenue, Culver City, CA


(310) 559-8846





WHEN:


Friday, May 26th, 7:00pm-11PM


(EVERY LAST FRIDAY OF EACH MONTH)





Featuring----------


YOU!!!!!!! (SIGN UP on open mic list nommomic@yahoo.com)





Featured artists


so far we have:


[words AND beats] DJ Lady Sha


[visuals] a video by LOOKINSIDE Magazine's Mathmass


[live visuals and words]Hip Rockr (West Koast Riot Squad) Visionary visual artist who is single so LADIES, HOLLA! His new clothing line, Splash Panda, is debuting in 8/2006







ALL AGES


$3 DONATION





Featuring:





the poetry and sounds of dj lady sha










digital imagery by mathmass...








the live visual art by Hip Rockr



...Cultivating the art culture in LA...

sometimes the universe speaks thru you with barbed wire...

again, let me reiterate- i have stopped searching for signs long time ago. sometimes, you find your ego mind wanting to shape anything that "walks like a sign, looks like a sign, talks like a sign". often times, its alot like banging a square peg in a circular hole. bang bang bang... and if you are not careful or mindful, the banging becomes repetitive enough to the point where your mind finds it meditative, but instead, the rhythm keeps you from progressing.

so...

in my many retreats to moonlit beaches, where the crashing of waves centers me again, i found an epiphany..

by chainlinked fences topped with barbed wire, was tissue paper, flapping in the wind.

and what was once just viewed to wipe away spills and messes, was now a flag dancing in the wind. rustling as it mimics the sound of a thousand rustling leaves.

but then as i sat and looked, the edges started to fray. bits of paper started tearing off and run in the currents of the wind. within a few minutes, the paper disappeared, destroyed.

so, it came to me.

that if the barbed wire had the ability of letting go the paper would still be intact.

bare with me now...

because often times, i hold onto things that was meant to move with the wind. fragile things. and maybe holding on to it is the very act of destroying it.

now maybe it was the paper that held on. if the paper had the ability to let go, it would still be intact.

because often times, i stay in situations that i dont need to be in. i don't let go and i am left "fighting the air". maybe i don't want change. maybe i hold on to ideologies that are not meant for me and its destroying me and where i need to go.



let God, let love, let go. because as much control you have over your actions and decisions, you can't master things externally. and sometimes, you just gotta let things be, so that things are to develop how they most naturally would need to develop...



let God, let love, let go...

sometimes the universe speak thru the words of your friends...this morning, joe daddy was moved to send me this:

i'm wishing you the best of days,
come what may,
and i pray today displays
all you want, all you need,
and that you're not to scared to heed
the call of your destiny.....


every morning, as i sip my first cup of coffee, in the sound vibrations of the birds who live in my giant totoro tree, i read on a prayer flag, a gift from another dear friend...

the universe holds an abundance to what i need in my life...



and a text from another kindred soul not too long ago:

Sending a message for the universe: u have an infinite gift for life. You are one of my treasures. Have joy love & powerful spirit. I will always remind you this.



i gave up searching for signs long time ago. but some things are blatant. some you can't ignore. and really, all you can really do is be open to messages of faith, determination, and affirmation. its too easy to hear the criticism from others and in your head.

random acts of kindness... i probably should do more of that myself.



speaking of random acts of kindness...

remember the story of the old man at the farmers market who sat down next to me and talked to me about love and fear? i saw him again not too long ago. i said "hello" and he didn't remember me. and all i can do is smile. because whatever possessed him to speak in tongues wanted to have me hear that message, and that message was directed to me... and to any of you all who felt touched by the story. it was for you too!