Fuck this acting tough shit. i want a fuckin' hug at this hour. shit's hard yo!

"i didn't know you wore glasses."

"that's cuz i'm a vain bitch. and i think i look better when i am slightly blurry"

greg has never tried a beard papa cream puff before! i know right ? unbelievable. but luckily, someone brought some for jenn's bday and we just happened to be sitting next to them. so... lol...

So, it seems that every time my art collective meets for work, we tend to sway from work momentarily while we a.) smoke the hookah b.) eat dinner c.) get a reaction video from someone.

Last video we got got ALF with 2G1C and it was hilarious. But what is worse than that? well, when someone castrates their junk.

yea.


so glad i am wired a bit more simpler.

aaaah, the life of an artist. this past saturday, phloe invited me to this art gig - a party in a dope house up in the hollywood hills where we sketched nude models and the party-goers get to watch. it is not an Eyes-Wide-Shut situation; it actually felt like a life drawing class. i think i was more scared of the party-goers. it was certainly not my scene but everybody seemed cool and was friendly.

the whole twist of the night was when made it all the way to little tokyo for yogurtland, and when she opened her purse, her wallet was missing. this lead us to high-tail our asses way back to hollywood, up the scary seemingly haunted hill, back to the house, only to find out that her friend has it and she is down the hill, about to enter the freeway.

what impeccable timing.

but anyways, back to the party. not much to say but this- sometimes one has to leave their comfort zone, push the boundaries, and widen the chance of growth.

trying to understand life... and find humor in it.

life is going too fast.

dear dearheart,

yes.

i can tell by the momentary tightness around my chest, feeling as if the world sits squarely on top of my breastplate, bending my ribs ever so slightly, that you are strained.

i can feel you want to stretch, to reach out, and beat as wildly as you would love to do.

but you can't. and as i feel now the blanket of melancholy, i can hear Portishead on loop yet once again. as beautiful as that album is, do you really want that to be our soundtrack?

i want to feel life. i want you to beat harder, push the letters by our ancestors through channels sacred where only we can decipher the encrypted secrets. i don't want to feel numb. so instead of feeling the pain around you, dearheart, i push legs harder, tear muscle, gasp for breath because i have this yearning to run through grassy meadows, feeling the breeze against my cheeks, until dizziness bless me with the feeling of life.

hold fast. don't seek. let all things heavenly and blessed come to you. beat wildly regardless. love hard though it is never returned. pour out because you will always overflow. don't keep it to yourself. and remember remember remember, that all things lost manifests itself in some other form.

transform.

transform matter into energy, and use it to evolve love.

beat wildly and free, but never, never, bleed.

love,

alfie

awwww, so cute.. sigh.. long sigh..