"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
Carl Jung (1875-1961)
Monday, October 28, 2002
my weekend synopsis:::...
* "Let It Be Known" event ( aka US troops out of the Philippines) went pretty well, despite of all the crazyness involved. i hosted the first half of the show which was quite interesting because it was all last minute. the performances were lovely. the vibe was empowering. however, the crazyness at the end is the only thing that i keep thinking about. a group did not perform because of a misunderstanding. i hope we can make ammends with them.
* two of my art pieces are being displayed at the Gabriela Network art showcase. it is such an honor to be part of that. i hope to finish my painting series by this december. i would love to showcase all eight paintings at an art show next year.
*hosted NOMMO. ish and i were close to cancelling it but a handful of people came by. it was difficult because we were competing with a huuuuuuuuge halloween party next door. guests had to recite their poetry to "YMCA", "It's Raining Men", and "Play that Funky Music." dorian came and shared his amazing work, to promote our show at the J Paul Getty Museum. (( getting all giddy)). i can't wait!
*going to Hooter's with the morton brothers is a trip. testosterone for everybody! DJ and i had stolen moments of make up talk, boy talk, what boots are on sale talk, and the benefits of peppermint tea in between our gasps of "chauvanistic pig!" and "terrible".
*i have too much clothes and too many shoes. i need to have a garage sale. screw it. i need to give away my stuff.
*the girls and i from BC performed at the anarchist anti-war conference. the night was filled with mosh pits, indigenous drums, flutes, punkers, and doc martins. we did our spoken word collab and surprisingly, our audience listened and gave us whistles and cheers. here, i was thinking they would be bored with us because we were not wailing in microphones or beating on drums or playing guitar. they sat down, listened, recieved, and then sent love. i guess it doesn't matter how we deliver the message, it is the sentiment that counts. NO WAR!.. plain and simple...
*i need a massage.. i am treating myself with a day at the spa
* "Let It Be Known" event ( aka US troops out of the Philippines) went pretty well, despite of all the crazyness involved. i hosted the first half of the show which was quite interesting because it was all last minute. the performances were lovely. the vibe was empowering. however, the crazyness at the end is the only thing that i keep thinking about. a group did not perform because of a misunderstanding. i hope we can make ammends with them.
* two of my art pieces are being displayed at the Gabriela Network art showcase. it is such an honor to be part of that. i hope to finish my painting series by this december. i would love to showcase all eight paintings at an art show next year.
*hosted NOMMO. ish and i were close to cancelling it but a handful of people came by. it was difficult because we were competing with a huuuuuuuuge halloween party next door. guests had to recite their poetry to "YMCA", "It's Raining Men", and "Play that Funky Music." dorian came and shared his amazing work, to promote our show at the J Paul Getty Museum. (( getting all giddy)). i can't wait!
*going to Hooter's with the morton brothers is a trip. testosterone for everybody! DJ and i had stolen moments of make up talk, boy talk, what boots are on sale talk, and the benefits of peppermint tea in between our gasps of "chauvanistic pig!" and "terrible".
*i have too much clothes and too many shoes. i need to have a garage sale. screw it. i need to give away my stuff.
*the girls and i from BC performed at the anarchist anti-war conference. the night was filled with mosh pits, indigenous drums, flutes, punkers, and doc martins. we did our spoken word collab and surprisingly, our audience listened and gave us whistles and cheers. here, i was thinking they would be bored with us because we were not wailing in microphones or beating on drums or playing guitar. they sat down, listened, recieved, and then sent love. i guess it doesn't matter how we deliver the message, it is the sentiment that counts. NO WAR!.. plain and simple...
*i need a massage.. i am treating myself with a day at the spa
Thursday, October 24, 2002
sisters:::..
my younger sister came over after class yesterday. her bf had plans with friends and she wanted to show me her new car. as you remember, my sister's car got stolen from her college campus. she got her insurance money and got a subaru impreza wrx. yup, she has a phat ride but my mother insisted she gets it. my father, on the other hand, flipped out. my mother is funny. she says,"oh he says that now but wait till he sees it. he will like it."
we had a SISTERS night. no men. no brother. no parents. no outside friends. it was just me and anna. and though we are 9 years apart, we are as close as best friends can be. she brings down my age and i bring up hers. last night was our night to catch up with everything.
we actually went to the beverly center. i have been anti-mall but i needed to get some oils and makeup and i am quite partial to MAC. for dinner we dove into bbq chicken pizza at the California Pizza Kitchen, even treating ourselves with tiramisu at the end.
we headed home where she gave me my once-in-a-blue-moon haircut, while watching AMELIE and burning sandalwood incense. with the scent mixed in with my peach oil dabbed in certain pulse points, my sister says this feels familiar to her. we then went back in time when i was 16 and she was 7, and she would watch me get ready for school, wearing the same mango oil. i would purposely put too much on my hands, to then i would gently rub it onto her wrists and neck. the sandalwood incense reminded me of the philippines, 1986. that was the year when gramma marciana died and we were there to bid her farewell. sandalwood incense was burned everyday for 11 days at her altar.
and now she is one of my divine guides, working with God to guide me thru the quiet storms.
i remember you, my ancestors, and i will make sure my sister and brother remember you too...
To take inventory of every pearl of knowledge
And string them together and maybe pass it on as an heirloom
To understand where I have been and where I am going
That maybe in eagle's perspective,
I can see me growing
I want to fly…
excerpt from "Eagle's Flight"
my younger sister came over after class yesterday. her bf had plans with friends and she wanted to show me her new car. as you remember, my sister's car got stolen from her college campus. she got her insurance money and got a subaru impreza wrx. yup, she has a phat ride but my mother insisted she gets it. my father, on the other hand, flipped out. my mother is funny. she says,"oh he says that now but wait till he sees it. he will like it."
we had a SISTERS night. no men. no brother. no parents. no outside friends. it was just me and anna. and though we are 9 years apart, we are as close as best friends can be. she brings down my age and i bring up hers. last night was our night to catch up with everything.
we actually went to the beverly center. i have been anti-mall but i needed to get some oils and makeup and i am quite partial to MAC. for dinner we dove into bbq chicken pizza at the California Pizza Kitchen, even treating ourselves with tiramisu at the end.
we headed home where she gave me my once-in-a-blue-moon haircut, while watching AMELIE and burning sandalwood incense. with the scent mixed in with my peach oil dabbed in certain pulse points, my sister says this feels familiar to her. we then went back in time when i was 16 and she was 7, and she would watch me get ready for school, wearing the same mango oil. i would purposely put too much on my hands, to then i would gently rub it onto her wrists and neck. the sandalwood incense reminded me of the philippines, 1986. that was the year when gramma marciana died and we were there to bid her farewell. sandalwood incense was burned everyday for 11 days at her altar.
and now she is one of my divine guides, working with God to guide me thru the quiet storms.
i remember you, my ancestors, and i will make sure my sister and brother remember you too...
To take inventory of every pearl of knowledge
And string them together and maybe pass it on as an heirloom
To understand where I have been and where I am going
That maybe in eagle's perspective,
I can see me growing
I want to fly…
excerpt from "Eagle's Flight"
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
((sigh))
i feel like such the dreamer today.
i am definitely not my self today. i need to focus on my projects. but it seems that my mind is preoccupied with burgandy velvet curtains, filtering light shining brighter than the sun itself. a window of the soul, if i do say so myself. where lines like "tell me what is behind that stare/ am i there with you" and "you make me breathe so easy" tends to linger, long after the song is played on my cd player.
blah...
(( snap ))
gotta focus on my stuff...
i feel like such the dreamer today.
i am definitely not my self today. i need to focus on my projects. but it seems that my mind is preoccupied with burgandy velvet curtains, filtering light shining brighter than the sun itself. a window of the soul, if i do say so myself. where lines like "tell me what is behind that stare/ am i there with you" and "you make me breathe so easy" tends to linger, long after the song is played on my cd player.
blah...
(( snap ))
gotta focus on my stuff...
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
a morton brother spews:::...
spon: "Jenny from the block" from J-Lo is officially the worst song ever
me: oh god. i have not heard of that song
spon: stole teh beatnuts beat from off the books
spon:there should be a rule that if you take a beat that's less than 5 years old, every fan of the original song has the right to punch you in the throat on sight.
me: damn
Monday, October 21, 2002
eargasms: emiliana torriani
eyegasms: starbursts and supernovas with a bit of a question mark
oral-gasms: ginseng ginger ale
kinetic-gasms: the touch of someone's spine when you two are dancing
nasal-gasms: one love oil mixed with blue nile
and so the saga continues. i have laughed off the previous male-oriented talk about the nature of men and have moved on. if men are like tamagochis, then i am waiting for the 27 upgrades to the product, along with a money back guarantee AND instruction manual. i get bored easily.
this past week has ran me ragged. so much work, so much preparations, so many things to do. i often question why i do so much and if it is worth the journey. it always comes back to "yes, it is worth it. look at the bigger picture."
i have come to realize that life is a serious of little paths that meander thru one big road. i understand my christian upbringing says the the road is straight and narrow but i don't think it is as blunt as it sounds. there is a road to your destination, however, there are narrow little paths overlooked that one must take in order to fully understand the true purpose of your greater journey. for example, i could have done the equation; go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, continue to get 401k plan to grow, retire, and then pass on. well, what if i didn't take those little chances? i would not be where i am today. i took a chance opening my soul to strangers and i connect with people i never knew i would be able to connect with. these people then take me to other paths which leads me to places never discovered by the straight and narrow paths, places that help me understand me, help me understand other, help me know God better.
don't get me wrong. i long for a family with wonderful mate for my soul and children who will bring me full circle. but all this exploration, all this struggle, all this effort is for first most, God, and then secondly, to cushion their existance withen my world. just a bit of reflection for you this monday afternoon.
my weekend synopsis:
*alcohol trips people out. but a great truth serum.
*i miss arnie. electric lotus was fun! good to see old friends again. happy birthday, kuya!
*my dog makes me laugh. he drives me crazy sometimes but he makes me laugh.
*walking 10 km (6.6 miles) for charity is just a drop in the bucket. the struggle continues. it is just waiting for you.
*ish and i had a meeting for nommo. had taro boba, heart palpitated for kulingtang and saul williams, shared his essence and talked about angels and gens and how humans are a combination of of the two. i will work towards angel.
*"vulgar" is not a comedy. clown rape is not funny.
*went to caine and brian's pad to watch wwe no mercy. ray mysterio's 619 is one of the dopest moves ever
* jasmine makes me smile
*a kindred spirit convinced me to get out of bed to come play with him. didn't know basslines, red and purple neon lights, and philidelphia djs can be so fun.
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
of mice and men::...
what dude friend said:
"men are easy. you feed them and you have sex with them. women are more complicated than men."
he proceeds on saying
"AAAAAAAAARGH me man AAAAAAARGH"
what bubba said:
"men are like tamagochis"
what dude friend added:
"yea, basically. you just have to know when and how far to push those buttons."
conversation:
bubba: pretty much. but like the food, sex is suppose to be served fresh and hot. like bread right outta the ove, baby
me: yes, and that is what is coming right outta the oven-- a baby outta the oven!
bubba: HAHAHAAH! TROJAN MAN!
bubba: TROJAN MAN!
bubba: HEY, KIDS? BAKING WITHOUT MITTS???
and i wonder why i am still single.i am beginning to like it more and more.. hahahaahah
Monday, October 14, 2002
sippin': lemon ginger tea
bumpin': St Gemain "The Tourist"
thinkin': too much
prayin': not enough
sayin': time to stop... and breathe
i got:
a midterm on eskrima today
a show tommorow
a show on wednesday
an improv class on thursday
by friday i should have:
writing exercises due
three artcles due
a design comp due
needless to say, i feel discumbobulated...
karunungan
paggalang
katuputan
paulit-ulit
tuloy tuloy
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
I CAN'T REMEMBER THESE BY TONIGHT!!!
pray for me....
Friday, October 11, 2002
WASHINGTON, Oct. 11 — The Senate joined the House on Friday morning in voting solidly to give President Bush the authority to use force against Iraq, approving a resolution endorsed by the president and leaders of both parties.
mental ramblings::..
and so the dominoes which held our country's ideology continues to fall....fall... we all know that all great empires will soon fall...from Babylon to Egypt to Greece to Rome... and now us aka US...it's too bad. i like living here but people keep fucking it up for us. people shall fall. bombs will fall ( cue in outkasts' "bombs over bahgdad", the remix because the effects are going to last awhile)... blood shall fall... fall... its funny... normally i fall in love in autumn. but this fall, i shall mourn. i have been mourning. mourning since the twins fell. mourning for the thousands of martyrs were made faster than what corporate conveyer belts can produce, mourning for the palestenian people, the mindanoa region, the women in afghanistan, the young children sold in sex slave rings in the philippines, the orphans of jenin, the 10 victims of the death card sniper, the future US soldiers whose path will lead them behind the barrel of some gun...
a gun whose trigger will never be pulled by the powers that be because the stand behind pawns who we call our loved ones...
my thought goes to keoni, stationed in south korea. i wonder if today's events will affect him. i hope not. its funny how someone who can get closest to my heart is physically farthest from it. my prayers go out to you, keoni. come home soon.
"Freedom is what we make of it. If we stand against
repression, authority and illegitimate structures, we
are expanding the domain of freedom and that's what
freedom will be. That's what we create; there is
nothing to define in words."
-- Noam Chomsky
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
Which Disney Princess are you?
You're Pocahontas!
You feel a deep, spiritual connection with the earth and animals. While you fight against things as serious as oppressive invaders threatening your people's entire culture and way of life, you're still a young woman with a sense of humor, reflected in your choice of the mischevious raccoon for a pet. What you admire in a man are very noble qualities -- understanding and tolerance. You could never get along with someone who thought they owned the earth and were free to use it as they chose and not take care of it. You value life in all its forms. Although you're the Disneyfied version of the real-life Pocahontas, you're still a good person with high moral fiber and a big heart, and a wonderful role model for everyone.
Monday, October 07, 2002
NOMMO::...
West African word meaning "the power of word"
the power of word. some people grasp the concept on how strong the mere words that comes out of our minds. the very words, "i declare war" can last devastating effects on generations of people. saturday night, ish and i hosted an open mic called nommo. it is the brain child of juan maldonado of the MUDD People. every last saturday, capoeira batuque opens up their studio for a night so that kindred artists spirits can share their work. it was a doooooooooooope night. photographer malachi simmons shared his work from the last visit to brazil; peter j harris (poet, writer, author, producer and host of spoken word show on KPFK) shared his work with berimbaus played in the background; asceticfish came and provided the ambiance, spinning rare grooves and downbeats; jenny san angel, half of tulis ( alternative folk group) came and sang her song "wake up". the night was pure love.
nights like this remind me why i am an artist. it reminds me why read, why i write, why i paint, and why i encourage others to express themselves. ( i am notorious of pushing the concept of blogs to my friends- helps them express themselves.) the connection people feel with one another. they new perspectives shown to minds that are open. understanding holding hands with imagination, coaxing it into a birth of manifestation.
just a cosmopolitan/bohemian atmosphere.
next month should be dope. we are going to implement video in the show.
West African word meaning "the power of word"
the power of word. some people grasp the concept on how strong the mere words that comes out of our minds. the very words, "i declare war" can last devastating effects on generations of people. saturday night, ish and i hosted an open mic called nommo. it is the brain child of juan maldonado of the MUDD People. every last saturday, capoeira batuque opens up their studio for a night so that kindred artists spirits can share their work. it was a doooooooooooope night. photographer malachi simmons shared his work from the last visit to brazil; peter j harris (poet, writer, author, producer and host of spoken word show on KPFK) shared his work with berimbaus played in the background; asceticfish came and provided the ambiance, spinning rare grooves and downbeats; jenny san angel, half of tulis ( alternative folk group) came and sang her song "wake up". the night was pure love.
nights like this remind me why i am an artist. it reminds me why read, why i write, why i paint, and why i encourage others to express themselves. ( i am notorious of pushing the concept of blogs to my friends- helps them express themselves.) the connection people feel with one another. they new perspectives shown to minds that are open. understanding holding hands with imagination, coaxing it into a birth of manifestation.
just a cosmopolitan/bohemian atmosphere.
next month should be dope. we are going to implement video in the show.
Friday, October 04, 2002
you gotta check out my boy jack . he is going through 30 DAYS OF CELIBACY and he is keeping a blog during this period. this should be quite interesting.
i was told by several people that i "do too much". that at times i spread myself too thin. i have a problem of saying "no" to things i believe in, esp when it comes to my art and to the community. i will elaborate when i have a chance. right now, i gotta work.
i was told by several people that i "do too much". that at times i spread myself too thin. i have a problem of saying "no" to things i believe in, esp when it comes to my art and to the community. i will elaborate when i have a chance. right now, i gotta work.
Thursday, October 03, 2002
quote of the day:::..
"Let those that love us, love us. And those that don't, may God turn their hearts. And, if He cannot turn their hearts, May He turn their ankles so we may know them by their limping!"---Proverb
quote of the day from alfie's circle of friends:::..
"That ain't a limp; that's a PIMP strut!"--- Ish
Tuesday, October 01, 2002
1. what's on your bedside table?
a mess... yes.. so non-virgo
2. what's the gayest part of your music collection?
a collection of freestyle music... sweet sensation, george lamond, dino, etc
3. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
i don't.i just stare at it.
4. what is your secret guaranteed weeping film?
the hans christian anderson version of "the little mermaid"
5. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
i want a second set of arms
6. do you have a completely irrational fear?
Oh my god! Do I??? What if I do???
7. what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
i won't answer that cuz then you would all know. can't have that now, can we?
8. do you ever have to beg?
yes, i am cuter when i do that. hahha NO, facker!
9. do you have too many love interests?
yes, i feel like my boy-crazy 13 year old self again, except i deal with boys trapped in men's bodies
10. do you know anyone famous?
yes, i know the blue power ranger
11. describe your bed.
too small with a leopard comforter
12. spontaneous or plan?
spontaneous ... sometimes too spontaneous
13. who should play you in a movie about your life?
ummm... there are no pinay actresses out there.... oh wait, my friend joy bisco ( hey if wil smith can play ali then she can portray me.) the white version of me is janeane garafalo.
14. do you know how to play poker?
no, but i know how to tell love fortunes
15. what do you carry with you at all times?
a mic.. no joke
16. how do you drive?
does the song that goes, "Move, Get OUT the WAY!" by Ludacris answer that question? i looooove driving 80 and above.
17. What do you miss most about being little?
being able to swing from daddy's arms
18. are you happy with your given name?
i can't picture me having a "normal" name... so yes
19. What color is your bedroom?
messy
20. What was the last song you were listening to?
"pakt like sardines in a crushed tin can"-radiohead
21. have you ever been in a school play?
yes, i wrote one too
22. Have you ever been in love?
sure, why not. *duck* *dodge* *weave*
23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
yes, God does so i do.
24. Have you ever done any illegal drugs?
umm.....pass. (( cough cough))
25. Do you think you're cute?
my mother thinks so. and she doesn't lie, does she?
26. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
I LOVE YOUR GUTS
a mess... yes.. so non-virgo
2. what's the gayest part of your music collection?
a collection of freestyle music... sweet sensation, george lamond, dino, etc
3. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
i don't.i just stare at it.
4. what is your secret guaranteed weeping film?
the hans christian anderson version of "the little mermaid"
5. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
i want a second set of arms
6. do you have a completely irrational fear?
Oh my god! Do I??? What if I do???
7. what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
i won't answer that cuz then you would all know. can't have that now, can we?
8. do you ever have to beg?
yes, i am cuter when i do that. hahha NO, facker!
9. do you have too many love interests?
yes, i feel like my boy-crazy 13 year old self again, except i deal with boys trapped in men's bodies
10. do you know anyone famous?
yes, i know the blue power ranger
11. describe your bed.
too small with a leopard comforter
12. spontaneous or plan?
spontaneous ... sometimes too spontaneous
13. who should play you in a movie about your life?
ummm... there are no pinay actresses out there.... oh wait, my friend joy bisco ( hey if wil smith can play ali then she can portray me.) the white version of me is janeane garafalo.
14. do you know how to play poker?
no, but i know how to tell love fortunes
15. what do you carry with you at all times?
a mic.. no joke
16. how do you drive?
does the song that goes, "Move, Get OUT the WAY!" by Ludacris answer that question? i looooove driving 80 and above.
17. What do you miss most about being little?
being able to swing from daddy's arms
18. are you happy with your given name?
i can't picture me having a "normal" name... so yes
19. What color is your bedroom?
messy
20. What was the last song you were listening to?
"pakt like sardines in a crushed tin can"-radiohead
21. have you ever been in a school play?
yes, i wrote one too
22. Have you ever been in love?
sure, why not. *duck* *dodge* *weave*
23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
yes, God does so i do.
24. Have you ever done any illegal drugs?
umm.....pass. (( cough cough))
25. Do you think you're cute?
my mother thinks so. and she doesn't lie, does she?
26. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
I LOVE YOUR GUTS
Monday, September 30, 2002
listening: meshel ndegeocello- "fool of me" ( i don't know why i do this to myself)
sipping: lemon ginger tea
wishing: for the day i can make my own hours
praying: for many blessings and praise for the new Hardaway's baby
sigh.. mondays are hard. esp when you have a cold and the sanctity of a warm fluffy bed is more than enticing. but here i am, chugging away. everybody in the art dep. has called out and i am the only trooper. here i am, coffee in the right, a package of benedryl to the left and a box of kleenex on standby.
despite of the lil bug i have taken on, the weather is beautiful. saturday brought in much needed rain. i find peace in the smell of the first rain... water and asphalt. it is comforting. right, capdiggy?
my weekend is a continuation of birthday festivities. paez took me out to lunch and to see "spirited away". i absolutely looooooove miyazaki's work and this current film has placed a bar above "princess mononoke". this film exemplifies an uninhibited creative mind where lots of children's stories lack nowadays. it is definitely a modern day fairy tale.
it was nice hanging out with paez because i learn alot from him about human nature and most importantly, music! later on in the evening, he left for a bachelor party. he invited me but i just couldnt see myself with a roomful of testosterone honing in on a scantily clad hoochie mama so instead i went to the movies with caine.
brian: so what did you all see?
me: we went to see "barbershop"
brian: oh really how was it?
me: it was cool. but don't expect a "friday"
brian: aint nothing compared to "friday"
me: yea it was just a feel good movie
brian: feel good??? i thought you and caine are just friends!
me: OH JEEZUS!
me: yes we went to the movies but we didn't "go to the mooooooooovies"
side note: i tease brian about going to the "mooooovies".. it is my code word for him meaning "getting your groove on"
caine and i had a great talk afterwards. it is important to always question your steps and take inventory at where you are at and where you would like to be going. it is all about taking the journey willingly and learning all the lessons attached to it, both good and bad. because no matter how joyous it is, or painful it is, it shapes us into a more remarkable person.
I call upon the challenges of
Trials and Tribulation
I invite them to apply pressure
And to refine my carbon “me”
the conversation led to a poem that had alot of my guy friends wondering. the first night i read this, all my guy friends had a face like "who is she talking about?" hahaha, i love it.well, wouldnt you all would like to know the truth about that poem! but caine brought up a good point though:
"you complain about you having the buddy syndrome. but you have a huge circle of men who love you and treat you with respect. we take care of you until the right one comes along.">/b>
i can't argue with that. my boys are dopealicious. i know they have my back and i have theirs! they comfort me when i cry; they make me laugh over petty situations; they stroke my ego when it is deflated. they do basically, alot for me and i so appreciate theat. now if i can only roll them all into one handsome guy, sprinkled with desire for me and me only, then we are set!!!
the poem in question:
I am intrigued by you.
In fact, I can almost say that
I could be at the very least
Quite smitten by you
But before we can get this out of hand
There is something I need to tell you.
Because as days go on
With people busily being enamored with
Their lives, giggling through most of their days
With the occasional bleep out the bad word complaints
Of how life seems to be too complex
When really, they are just too overly sensitive with reality,
I am living with something which
Plagues my very well-being
And being that I may be an optimist at heart
I don’t want to take chances with yours
See, I suffer this condition
In which I truly, morally believe
That I should tell any man in which
A deeper connection can actually develop
I want to be honest
I want to be direct
I want to be able to let you know what
Exactly you are getting yourself into
You see, what I have
Does not have a vaccine
It flares up during the most inopportune moments
Leaving me battling with scars hidden by the naked eye
But definitely, something that I can feel
I suffer from TBS
The Buddy Syndrome
From what I can understand
I am quite contagious
It attacks the brains and minds
Of men who has the ability to quicken my heartbeat
By a mere glance at my direction
Men who can very much be able
To send chills up and down my spine
The good kind, you know the kind
That makes your spine be a radar for that person
And that person only
And I am not quite sure who is susceptible more
But I am definitely a carrier
This condition can turn any potential
Budding relationship
Into a buddy relationship
Making that window of opportunity smaller
Or in some cases, non-existing
Don’t get me wrong
I love Thursday WWF Smackdown Nights
And smacking asses on Dreamcast or PS2
And even midnight rendevous at Mel’s Diner because
I have that moon phase craving for sundaes
While my buddy friend simply craves to eat
I even accept that fact that men
Lack the cognitive or analytical skills
To help me during my “woe is me” emotional fits
As my female friends do
But I accept the big secure hug from strong arms,
Keeping me together,
Topped with a comforting, yet platonic, kiss on my temple
I am grateful for all of that
In fact, some of my buddies are meant to be buddies…
But how many buddies does it take to screw on a lightbulb
In my cartoon bubble hanging over my head
Shedding light that I have got that Midas touch
In which every man I touch, turns into a buddy?
Friends say I am too picky
But how can I pick from a sea of buddies?
It is almost like all men conspired to form a cult
Complete with secret handshakes
And secret meetings at someone’s bachelor pad
While watching satellite cable
Exchanging ways in how to recruit new members
In the ABC, Alfie Buddy Coalition
A religion where I very much can be the nun
(Shoot, it has been that long)
Where these men address me as Sister Alfie
And though I call them by their first name
I mentally tack on my sign of respect
Because it would be quite redundant and tiring for me
To say it out loud every time I call their name
“Why hello Buddy Bob! Hello there, Buddy Doug? How are things, Buddy Joe?”
Buddy Buddy Buddy
Every where, every time, it is a buddy.
For once, I wish to be looked at that special way
Where men fantasize about me
Like how they fantasize about that porn star, Aria Giovanni
Except I won’t show my punani
Instead I will walk away, tossing my black hair back
With this “oh yes, you wish” type of way
Or just view me anything just slightly short of “kid sister” or “one of the guys”
Now that you are informed
Now that you are fully aware
Do as you please
Just don’t get too close
You might contract what I have
And I think I like you just too much
Just to be a buddy
------------------------------------------------------
sipping: lemon ginger tea
wishing: for the day i can make my own hours
praying: for many blessings and praise for the new Hardaway's baby
sigh.. mondays are hard. esp when you have a cold and the sanctity of a warm fluffy bed is more than enticing. but here i am, chugging away. everybody in the art dep. has called out and i am the only trooper. here i am, coffee in the right, a package of benedryl to the left and a box of kleenex on standby.
despite of the lil bug i have taken on, the weather is beautiful. saturday brought in much needed rain. i find peace in the smell of the first rain... water and asphalt. it is comforting. right, capdiggy?
my weekend is a continuation of birthday festivities. paez took me out to lunch and to see "spirited away". i absolutely looooooove miyazaki's work and this current film has placed a bar above "princess mononoke". this film exemplifies an uninhibited creative mind where lots of children's stories lack nowadays. it is definitely a modern day fairy tale.
it was nice hanging out with paez because i learn alot from him about human nature and most importantly, music! later on in the evening, he left for a bachelor party. he invited me but i just couldnt see myself with a roomful of testosterone honing in on a scantily clad hoochie mama so instead i went to the movies with caine.
brian: so what did you all see?
me: we went to see "barbershop"
brian: oh really how was it?
me: it was cool. but don't expect a "friday"
brian: aint nothing compared to "friday"
me: yea it was just a feel good movie
brian: feel good??? i thought you and caine are just friends!
me: OH JEEZUS!
me: yes we went to the movies but we didn't "go to the mooooooooovies"
side note: i tease brian about going to the "mooooovies".. it is my code word for him meaning "getting your groove on"
caine and i had a great talk afterwards. it is important to always question your steps and take inventory at where you are at and where you would like to be going. it is all about taking the journey willingly and learning all the lessons attached to it, both good and bad. because no matter how joyous it is, or painful it is, it shapes us into a more remarkable person.
I call upon the challenges of
Trials and Tribulation
I invite them to apply pressure
And to refine my carbon “me”
the conversation led to a poem that had alot of my guy friends wondering. the first night i read this, all my guy friends had a face like "who is she talking about?" hahaha, i love it.well, wouldnt you all would like to know the truth about that poem! but caine brought up a good point though:
"you complain about you having the buddy syndrome. but you have a huge circle of men who love you and treat you with respect. we take care of you until the right one comes along.">/b>
i can't argue with that. my boys are dopealicious. i know they have my back and i have theirs! they comfort me when i cry; they make me laugh over petty situations; they stroke my ego when it is deflated. they do basically, alot for me and i so appreciate theat. now if i can only roll them all into one handsome guy, sprinkled with desire for me and me only, then we are set!!!
the poem in question:
I am intrigued by you.
In fact, I can almost say that
I could be at the very least
Quite smitten by you
But before we can get this out of hand
There is something I need to tell you.
Because as days go on
With people busily being enamored with
Their lives, giggling through most of their days
With the occasional bleep out the bad word complaints
Of how life seems to be too complex
When really, they are just too overly sensitive with reality,
I am living with something which
Plagues my very well-being
And being that I may be an optimist at heart
I don’t want to take chances with yours
See, I suffer this condition
In which I truly, morally believe
That I should tell any man in which
A deeper connection can actually develop
I want to be honest
I want to be direct
I want to be able to let you know what
Exactly you are getting yourself into
You see, what I have
Does not have a vaccine
It flares up during the most inopportune moments
Leaving me battling with scars hidden by the naked eye
But definitely, something that I can feel
I suffer from TBS
The Buddy Syndrome
From what I can understand
I am quite contagious
It attacks the brains and minds
Of men who has the ability to quicken my heartbeat
By a mere glance at my direction
Men who can very much be able
To send chills up and down my spine
The good kind, you know the kind
That makes your spine be a radar for that person
And that person only
And I am not quite sure who is susceptible more
But I am definitely a carrier
This condition can turn any potential
Budding relationship
Into a buddy relationship
Making that window of opportunity smaller
Or in some cases, non-existing
Don’t get me wrong
I love Thursday WWF Smackdown Nights
And smacking asses on Dreamcast or PS2
And even midnight rendevous at Mel’s Diner because
I have that moon phase craving for sundaes
While my buddy friend simply craves to eat
I even accept that fact that men
Lack the cognitive or analytical skills
To help me during my “woe is me” emotional fits
As my female friends do
But I accept the big secure hug from strong arms,
Keeping me together,
Topped with a comforting, yet platonic, kiss on my temple
I am grateful for all of that
In fact, some of my buddies are meant to be buddies…
But how many buddies does it take to screw on a lightbulb
In my cartoon bubble hanging over my head
Shedding light that I have got that Midas touch
In which every man I touch, turns into a buddy?
Friends say I am too picky
But how can I pick from a sea of buddies?
It is almost like all men conspired to form a cult
Complete with secret handshakes
And secret meetings at someone’s bachelor pad
While watching satellite cable
Exchanging ways in how to recruit new members
In the ABC, Alfie Buddy Coalition
A religion where I very much can be the nun
(Shoot, it has been that long)
Where these men address me as Sister Alfie
And though I call them by their first name
I mentally tack on my sign of respect
Because it would be quite redundant and tiring for me
To say it out loud every time I call their name
“Why hello Buddy Bob! Hello there, Buddy Doug? How are things, Buddy Joe?”
Buddy Buddy Buddy
Every where, every time, it is a buddy.
For once, I wish to be looked at that special way
Where men fantasize about me
Like how they fantasize about that porn star, Aria Giovanni
Except I won’t show my punani
Instead I will walk away, tossing my black hair back
With this “oh yes, you wish” type of way
Or just view me anything just slightly short of “kid sister” or “one of the guys”
Now that you are informed
Now that you are fully aware
Do as you please
Just don’t get too close
You might contract what I have
And I think I like you just too much
Just to be a buddy
------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, September 25, 2002
RES-"tsunami"
Moments they come and then they go
You'll feel so high and then before you know
I could of sworn our future was set in stone
But I guess some things it's just as well for God to know
So now I concentrate on turning wrong to right
I'm going to let go things I held inside so tight
I'm going to live and let forgive things said in spite
Clear out the smoke and usher in the light
me: ((listening to res' "700 mile situation")) siiiiiiiiigh...
capdigy: what's wrong with you?
me:i want to be in love...when is it my turn? (( quickly biting tongue because not too sure if i want it to be my turn yet)))
capdiggy:well, i want a mullet but just like my mullet, it takes time
me: fack!
side note:
a.)for all of you who read my blog for something inspirational or a socio-political commentary, i apologize. allow me to go thru this damn moon phase first and i promise to post something worthwhile again ....
b.) (((he knows the link)))
big triple scoop shout out to NATHAN. thanks for taking me out for my bday! we were at the beach last night. i feel cleansed. ocean waves singing to me, sea mist kissing my cheek, moonshine brushing my hair... i didnt want to leave.
Moments they come and then they go
You'll feel so high and then before you know
I could of sworn our future was set in stone
But I guess some things it's just as well for God to know
So now I concentrate on turning wrong to right
I'm going to let go things I held inside so tight
I'm going to live and let forgive things said in spite
Clear out the smoke and usher in the light
me: ((listening to res' "700 mile situation")) siiiiiiiiigh...
capdigy: what's wrong with you?
me:i want to be in love...when is it my turn? (( quickly biting tongue because not too sure if i want it to be my turn yet)))
capdiggy:well, i want a mullet but just like my mullet, it takes time
me: fack!
side note:
a.)for all of you who read my blog for something inspirational or a socio-political commentary, i apologize. allow me to go thru this damn moon phase first and i promise to post something worthwhile again ....
b.) (((he knows the link)))
big triple scoop shout out to NATHAN. thanks for taking me out for my bday! we were at the beach last night. i feel cleansed. ocean waves singing to me, sea mist kissing my cheek, moonshine brushing my hair... i didnt want to leave.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)