listening: meshel ndegeocello- "fool of me" ( i don't know why i do this to myself)
sipping: lemon ginger tea
wishing: for the day i can make my own hours
praying: for many blessings and praise for the new Hardaway's baby


sigh.. mondays are hard. esp when you have a cold and the sanctity of a warm fluffy bed is more than enticing. but here i am, chugging away. everybody in the art dep. has called out and i am the only trooper. here i am, coffee in the right, a package of benedryl to the left and a box of kleenex on standby.

despite of the lil bug i have taken on, the weather is beautiful. saturday brought in much needed rain. i find peace in the smell of the first rain... water and asphalt. it is comforting. right, capdiggy?

my weekend is a continuation of birthday festivities. paez took me out to lunch and to see "spirited away". i absolutely looooooove miyazaki's work and this current film has placed a bar above "princess mononoke". this film exemplifies an uninhibited creative mind where lots of children's stories lack nowadays. it is definitely a modern day fairy tale.

it was nice hanging out with paez because i learn alot from him about human nature and most importantly, music! later on in the evening, he left for a bachelor party. he invited me but i just couldnt see myself with a roomful of testosterone honing in on a scantily clad hoochie mama so instead i went to the movies with caine.

brian: so what did you all see?
me: we went to see "barbershop"
brian: oh really how was it?
me: it was cool. but don't expect a "friday"
brian: aint nothing compared to "friday"
me: yea it was just a feel good movie
brian: feel good??? i thought you and caine are just friends!
me: OH JEEZUS!
me: yes we went to the movies but we didn't "go to the mooooooooovies"

side note: i tease brian about going to the "mooooovies".. it is my code word for him meaning "getting your groove on"

caine and i had a great talk afterwards. it is important to always question your steps and take inventory at where you are at and where you would like to be going. it is all about taking the journey willingly and learning all the lessons attached to it, both good and bad. because no matter how joyous it is, or painful it is, it shapes us into a more remarkable person.

I call upon the challenges of
Trials and Tribulation
I invite them to apply pressure
And to refine my carbon “me”

the conversation led to a poem that had alot of my guy friends wondering. the first night i read this, all my guy friends had a face like "who is she talking about?" hahaha, i love it.well, wouldnt you all would like to know the truth about that poem! but caine brought up a good point though:

"you complain about you having the buddy syndrome. but you have a huge circle of men who love you and treat you with respect. we take care of you until the right one comes along.">/b>

i can't argue with that. my boys are dopealicious. i know they have my back and i have theirs! they comfort me when i cry; they make me laugh over petty situations; they stroke my ego when it is deflated. they do basically, alot for me and i so appreciate theat. now if i can only roll them all into one handsome guy, sprinkled with desire for me and me only, then we are set!!!

the poem in question:
I am intrigued by you.

In fact, I can almost say that
I could be at the very least
Quite smitten by you

But before we can get this out of hand
There is something I need to tell you.

Because as days go on
With people busily being enamored with
Their lives, giggling through most of their days
With the occasional bleep out the bad word complaints
Of how life seems to be too complex
When really, they are just too overly sensitive with reality,
I am living with something which
Plagues my very well-being
And being that I may be an optimist at heart
I don’t want to take chances with yours

See, I suffer this condition
In which I truly, morally believe
That I should tell any man in which
A deeper connection can actually develop

I want to be honest

I want to be direct

I want to be able to let you know what
Exactly you are getting yourself into

You see, what I have
Does not have a vaccine
It flares up during the most inopportune moments
Leaving me battling with scars hidden by the naked eye
But definitely, something that I can feel
I suffer from TBS
The Buddy Syndrome

From what I can understand
I am quite contagious
It attacks the brains and minds
Of men who has the ability to quicken my heartbeat
By a mere glance at my direction
Men who can very much be able
To send chills up and down my spine
The good kind, you know the kind
That makes your spine be a radar for that person
And that person only

And I am not quite sure who is susceptible more
But I am definitely a carrier
This condition can turn any potential
Budding relationship
Into a buddy relationship
Making that window of opportunity smaller
Or in some cases, non-existing

Don’t get me wrong
I love Thursday WWF Smackdown Nights
And smacking asses on Dreamcast or PS2
And even midnight rendevous at Mel’s Diner because
I have that moon phase craving for sundaes
While my buddy friend simply craves to eat
I even accept that fact that men
Lack the cognitive or analytical skills
To help me during my “woe is me” emotional fits
As my female friends do
But I accept the big secure hug from strong arms,
Keeping me together,
Topped with a comforting, yet platonic, kiss on my temple
I am grateful for all of that
In fact, some of my buddies are meant to be buddies…

But how many buddies does it take to screw on a lightbulb
In my cartoon bubble hanging over my head
Shedding light that I have got that Midas touch
In which every man I touch, turns into a buddy?

Friends say I am too picky
But how can I pick from a sea of buddies?

It is almost like all men conspired to form a cult
Complete with secret handshakes
And secret meetings at someone’s bachelor pad
While watching satellite cable
Exchanging ways in how to recruit new members
In the ABC, Alfie Buddy Coalition
A religion where I very much can be the nun
(Shoot, it has been that long)
Where these men address me as Sister Alfie
And though I call them by their first name
I mentally tack on my sign of respect
Because it would be quite redundant and tiring for me
To say it out loud every time I call their name

“Why hello Buddy Bob! Hello there, Buddy Doug? How are things, Buddy Joe?”

Buddy Buddy Buddy

Every where, every time, it is a buddy.

For once, I wish to be looked at that special way
Where men fantasize about me
Like how they fantasize about that porn star, Aria Giovanni
Except I won’t show my punani
Instead I will walk away, tossing my black hair back
With this “oh yes, you wish” type of way

Or just view me anything just slightly short of “kid sister” or “one of the guys”

Now that you are informed
Now that you are fully aware
Do as you please
Just don’t get too close
You might contract what I have
And I think I like you just too much
Just to be a buddy
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