Thursday, November 05, 2009

i can't believe it is the 5th of November. Where the hell did 2009 go? and I have to admit, it has and still is very crazy. The energy swirling this year has both been blessed with triumph as well as socked with heartache. How many celebrities died this year? How many couples broke up? How many beautiful babies were born this year? How many unions have been made?

I'd like to say that i have done a lot this year. I have. But at the same time, I haven't done much as well. I had this weird artist block for a good number of months. I started questioning the skills. I guess I got too comfy at the day job, and so focused with painting that i let the other skill slip just a tad. I thought the years meant that you build your arsenal of knowledge.

well, it is. and the one hump i had to get over is fear and all of its different forms, which includes insecurity.

there is something unnerving about always showing the tickings of your heart. when you are an artist, ideally you write, compose, paint, draw, design, what is inside of you. it's not all about pleasing the masses or making a dollar. sure i would love to live off my art but at the same time, how much of your process, your life experiences, your joy as well as your healing can even have a monetary value? it's all balance i guess.

well, in case you are wondering, i am painting still.. and i am designing again. and i am expressing positive emotions such as love, determination, and compassion. trying to put the warrior in me aside.. not in the back burner, but next to me so that we can make more beautiful magic.

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