Wednesday, April 02, 2003

coming full circle

all these revelations one makes throughout life... coming full circle... revolutions... re-evolution of one's self. came to a learned lesson saturday.

Recently, I took a breather from dating to figure out what I want.

In comes J.R. who’s reintroduction in my life reminds me how good a person’s vibe can actually hug one’s aura. I no longer see him as an "ex" but as a "friend" and though he and I are not going down memory lane, revisiting our past relationship, his presence reminded me of a person’s glance was enough to conduct energy so electric that the only way to handle the pent up giggles was to sigh.

So needless to say, for the past week, I felt lonely. I miss him. I miss the feeling of love and being in love. I was more so afraid of not finding it again. What if that was it? “At least you had it for 9 years, alf. Not too many people can say they had.”

Aaaaah baloney. I want to feel it again

Well, I couldn’t help but realize that my friends who are attached are calling me for advice and comfort. Apparently, they are going thru something with their boyfriends. Or girlfriends. Now, I will not go into complete detail here, seeing as if people read my blog and I don’t want to put anybody’s relationship on blast but a few of them had said, ”oh to be single again.”

What? Here I am saying “oh to be in love again!” and thinking that once I find someone my wallowing will be over.

But it goes to show that answers to your question are not so absolute. You struggle and you have problems in one area of life and when you think you have it on point, you trade it in for another set of struggles and problems.

For instance, I can be crying at home, being single and feeling alone. Or I can be crying at home, because my man is out all hours of the night, or is abusive, or is cold, or whatever, and STILL feel alone.

Or I can rejoice at where my life is heading AND be excited that God is preparing me and my so called soulmate so that we can BOTH be ready when we finally meet. All about timing. All about timing.

moral #1:
praise and be thankful of what you have NOW and not cry and be sad at what you don’t have.

moral #2
cliche as it sounds- things happen for a REASON! Milk it for what it is worth and let it work towards your advantage.
moral #3
it was my moon phase. It all made sense why I was so emotional. I just wanted to breed. All good. Pass me some hot chocolate and see me in a couple of days. I will be good by then.

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