Thursday, November 14, 2002

speak softly but carry a big stick::..

((( sigh ))) mi gente, i need your prayers. the whole family is going to arizona for my dad's court date. he may be coming home! but i can't get too excited because what if they just decided to be dicks and keep my father for the whole sentence. from what the lawyer said last year, he was going to have a few months of good behavior and it can be possible that he would be home by october. another false hope given by our half-ass lawyer. it is damn near december.
i just want him home by the holidays. i want him to be at home with mom, and anna, and allen, and the two funny dogs, and the psycho cat. i want to see him lounging on his favorite recliner. watching cable television from the philippines, with freddy the dog sleeping on his tummy. i want to hear him give me fatherly advice, talk smack about the men i date, tease me on how i cook. i miss all that. i want him not to worry about anything anymore.
this has been an emotional year for me, full of blessings and heartaches. for awhile, i felt numb- didn't give two cents about the world because mine was so unstable, i didn't want to invest energy on anything because i felt like my hearts in life are taken away. but thanks to friends, they kept me feeling. they kept reminding me of my warrior father spirit and that i didn't fall to far from the tree.
i know i should be extremely excited. i guess i am scared of the worst thing that can happen and that they won;t release my father. to make that drive only to come back empty-hearted would be close to devastating to me. i should not be afraid. this is why i write about it. i am a firm believer that if i say my fears, i release it to the wind, never to be responsible for it ever again..
today i will be wrapping all the presents i held for my pop. his birthday gift. his father's day gift. gifts i got from the places i have been to this year. the magazine in which my works have been published for the first time... we got a lot of catching up to do.
talking to dave, he still can't believe he was incarcirated for something petty. i agree. but i can't be stuck thinking that anymore. the impossible is possible so becareful, mi gente.

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