Sunday, April 25, 2004

sanctity in solitude

there are alot of transitions going on in my life. what is different about these changes are that they were subtle and then they creep up behind you and then *WHAM!*, there they are in front of you.

you get so busy in life that you forget about your core- yourself. i have been so busy with doing things that when i have time to take a step back, you realized that not only did you change, but things around you change. Lesson#1- embrace the moment.

i realize that i haven't been turning to god as of late. i mean, i do my nightly prayers but many times they are mumblings i do before i fall asleep.

so yesterday,i tried to reclaim my relationship with my creator.

i am normally known as the "spiritual one" in the group. or the "wise one". it's so easy to step back for others because, well, you are in the outside so you can give them a better eagle's eye view. but when it comes to myself, well, all i hear are my own mumblings. Lesson #2- take care of self and listen to your own spirit's needs.

so, i asked for a lesson. i wanted to know why things are happening the way are happening. why is it that i have a wonderful family, great friends, and an awesome bf but i still feel lonely. why is the universe causing me to pull away from love ones even though i didn't want to.

so, i asked for a lesson.

prayed to god. really prayed to god. and i tried to listen.

and i had a dream.

and words i remembered waking up was... "there is sanctity in solitude"

1. Holiness of life or disposition; saintliness.
2. The quality or condition of being considered sacred; inviolability.
3. Something considered sacred

1. The state or quality of being alone or remote from others.
2. A lonely or secluded place.

i don't know if is because i heard those words the night before during wendell's poem that he read at nommo. but it is distinct that god wanted me to hear those words and to remember them.

but now i am in a bind. yes, i yearn for holiness. yes, i yearn for sacredness. but no, i don't want to be lonely, nor do i want to be remote from others.

but you know, sometimes you gotta take faith in where life is taking you. so obviously, i am meant to be where i am at. so why fight it. now to find out why i have to be pulled from people, why i feel distant from the people that i love.

until then, let me focus on working on these projects for my clients before i head out to rehearsal tonight.

remember folks, there is sanctity in solitude

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