Monday, June 14, 2004


Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb. --- Sir Winston Churchill

i was talking to vanessa last night. things are not going well with fil am arts and she has some major decisions to make. does she a.) stick it out and fight for an organization that she believes in, even if it means not getting paid but having the hope that things get better and the organization will survive or does she b.) go back to a safe job where she can at least be able to pay rent and pay the bills, but work in a non-creative enviroment whose commute alone would drain her of any energy left of creating.

i can vouch for her dismay. she is a literary arts curator who produces shows, supports artists, and creates a space where upcoming and establish artists can express themselves and where the youth can dabble freely in finding their own expression. i would feel the same way. there is no way i would want to go back to pushing numbers and shipping computer parts all day.

but there is this underlying fear of breaking off from your comfort zone in order to do something you want to do as oppose to doing something you have to do. man, i sometimes i wish i can find passion in being a dentist, or in being a doctor, or in being a... shit, i dunno, a butcher. but i don't. i am an artist. i want to own my own business. i want to call the shots. and that is why i am willing to put other things on hold until i solidify what i want and believe in.

shit, it gets hard. like right now. i am in between pay checks and living gets hard waiting for five paychecks to come in. but it comes with the territory.

i strive to be self sufficient. i strive to call my own shots. i strive to be in a place where i can raise a family on art and design.

but one has to quiet those fears, endure the hard times, taking those risks, and allowing yourself to learn, which means failing from time to time.

so here's to vanessa, who is going to take risks. who is going to be an entrepreneur. the ride is beautiful. but it can be rewarding. hang in there!

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