Monday, December 16, 2002

wheels are turning, now coming full circle::..

the throbbing in the lower base of my head has now slowed it's rhythm. thank god! in fact,i can no longer feel every heart beat in my temples, each pulse accompanied with a sharp wallop to my head. i have been wrestling with stress for the past few days. Much of it can be avoided had the people i work with got their shit together.

but tonight, i shall breathe. i shall do NOTHING. and in my definition of the word Nothing shall be one or a combination of the few that follows:

1. wrapping presents (not a chore. it is therapeutic to me)
2. taking a walk with my dog (6-mile urban hikes are great stress relievers)
3. painting (my muse have been mute lately but she screams decibels with a paint brush)
4. write (maybe if i coax her with neruda or saul williams, she will be able to sing with me again)

i have been told by seven different people that i am going too fast, like i am trying to pack life's lessons into each day until the seams are about to burst. i can't help it. i have so many ideas. so many brainchildren that want to be born and then nurtured. much of the success of an idea is based on timing. but what happens if it is time that is lacking to make things happen?

amy, one of my art activist mentors, suggested that i should consider in being selfish with my time. she observed me for the past year and noticed that i am so concerned of making sure that others fly that i myself neglected my own wings. she suggested that i take 60% of that effort and focus it on me, but still giving 40% to my fellow artists.

edren says i am fast, like a car, zooming through streets, definitely pointed in the right directions, but forgetting to see the scenery.

mike feels i should take a time out, to put everybody on hold of a month, a week, or even a couple of days.

brian thinks i do too much.

caine gets worried.

the list goes on and on...

so, to let my friends know i listen, my list shall cease for the time being...

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