Monday, June 28, 2010
i am forever a student of life. i study. i learn. i experment. i observe. i hypothesize. i dictate.
and everyday, i do homework to get myself right. i make sure i do my part in helping me heal all the fractures within me. some are small and the recovery time is faster. other is a bit more deep rooted so i gotta dig. but the part i work towards is healing, just trying to get that pain, everything, even the residual so that my next step is a bit more clearer, more intentional, and more deliberate.
i've observed how there are so many folks close to me and their reoccuring issues. many of which, stems from a parent. mama issues. daddy issues. "love me, parental unit" issues.
that the fears and insecurities of women stems from their mamas' fear and insecurities.
one spiritual woman used to tell me that in order to get over my lessons, i must kill the root of the pain that has now took space within me.
but you know what, my mother's struggles are separate from mine. that her fears and struggles, tho i may understand, and tho i empathize, or may even go something simular to her predicamen- it's still hers and mine is mine.
i can also flip the script. that i can grab hold of my mother's strengths and adopt them as mine. how she is able to say what she wants to say. how she is strong enough to not take bs from anybody. how she can be nurturing and loving but still stand tall. how she held the family down. how she sings beautifully. how she made sure we were all taken care of and are well off...
i can go on and on. and i am blessed to have her be my mother.