breathe::..

i was told that i was too much of a pacifist.

i sometimes hear criticism that being a pacifist is not effect enough. that ghandi and martin luther king jr. would have been more effective had they been more assertive, had they have emphasize the "fist" in pacifist. so i started thinking. how can one be an advocate for peace and well-being for a people when one promotes violence? i started reading the Bible. with the word in my heart, i then i started reading "the motorcycle diaries", a journal che guevarra kept while travelling the country side, before he became a revolutionary. i then started reading bits and pieces of ghandi's biography and louis farahkahn in the book ,"prophet of rage". i then read picked up, "the wisdom of native americans". they all shared on common trait- a compassion to their people. how can one move like crystal water yet be strong enough to smooth out rock.

"closed fists of revolution but open fist birth humility"

it came to me today. today was the first day of my eskirma class. eskirma is a pilipino warrior combat art. i am taking this class for many reasons- self defense, to retain a culture, to be in touch with my ancestors, to learn about myself. buddhist monk, dada shivesha'nanda avadhuta, taught the warm up. much of it was tai chi. he spoke of how martial arts and the spirit is connected. we are not here to just learn movement and how to effectively take down a man.

"you must be open-minded. you must have your heart open. you must be one with GOD. otherwise, you are not a warrior.

"we do not promote violence. we promote a retention of life."

dada exuded so much positive energy. so much that i can't help but absorb it and then return it. that is how i should exchange with the universe. that is how i should be one with the MOST HIGH.

it is possible to be one who promotes serenity, yet still be strong enough to uphold that idea, by any means necessary. though i choose to "go with the flow" and let things go, to be PROACTIVE than to be REACTIVE, it does not mean that i am lacking the passion to be part of a movement. i take the bullet for things i believe in, shall put up fists for many reasons, but i shall not be a forgotten martyr for something petty.

i remember my father that day. he turned around, eyes facing mine. he saw mom crying in my left arm, sister crying in the right, brother with upper lip stiff and his eyes piercing, fighting back tears. he turned around. head held high, and said, "guilty, your honor" though in my heart, and his heart, and in my mother's heart, and in my siblings hearts , and in the hearts of many of our friends , we know it is not true.

dad said later on," i didn't want to fight it because i don't want your mom to go thru anymore. i don't want to prolong this only to be sentenced for a longer term. besides, they already made their decision. you know this. our lawyer knows this. i can't bear to see your mom like this."

and for the first time, his voice cracked. but he held his stature.

that day, my father became the strongest man i know. and i am following in his footsteps.

"Pacifism

All that a pacifist can undertake-but it is a very great deal-is to refuse to kill, injure or otherwise cause suffering to another human creature, and untiringly to order his life by the rule of love though others may be captured by hate."


i will be meditating 6am in the morning with dada. i better get to bed. but i had to get this off my chest