it is so hot today. it's kinda like a day in san esteban, ilocos sur. it is hot, sticky and muggy and i find solice in my house, lounging in a big huge shirt, sipping on the perfect combination of lemonade and tea.

but i much rather be in the beach.

my skin is not as dark as i want it to be. it has not been kissed by the sun for more than 5 years. i take in the sun in small doses. the sun is alot like wine to me. sometimes i can take it and be fine. other days, one glass of reys would be too much for me to handle and i am at home, on the couch, practically passed out.

i was diagnosed with lupus years ago. lupus is a condition where i have a great immune system, only it attacks me if i am not careful. my immune system views my "good" cells as foriegn objects and try to annihilate them causing an imbalance in my body. i am basically my own worst enemy. flare ups can occur at anytime but i can aggravate it by getting too much sun or if i am stressed.

luckily i am not diagnosed with the deadly kind. the kind where my internal organs are attacked.

i suffered from a flare up about two years ago. it was right after my dot com laid off 4/5 of their staff ( they were heading towards bankruptcy and only way they viewed they can salvage it is to lay off everybody but but 5 people). it came in the worst time because i was just trying to redefine myself and start off a new life after breaking up with my longtime bf of 9 years just six months prior.

the flare up was terrible.my skin burned as if there were invisible long lines of scratches dipped in salt water. i had absolutely no energy. the sun was extra venomous and i spent two months home-ridden, and only found energy from the moon. ( and trust me, it was lonely for nobody was upto having dinner with me at 3am in the morning).

what is worst is the medication involved. many prescriptions out there is to treat the symptoms and not the ailment. you end up with temporary relief but still suffering from the underlying ailment. and the perfect panacea for all symptoms? steroids. steroids for pain. steroids for skin. steroids for asthma. steroids for lupus. the symptoms you get from these steroids is just as bad if not, WORSE than the symptoms you get from the original sickness.

it is ridiculous how many medical practices out there are trying to gouge their patients with prescriptions, pumping them with medicine. some medicine is needed. but i want a solution to my sickness. i want to attack it so i won't have to deal with it, even after my prescription is done. i want to be healed. not numb to the pain.

it is so important for us to practice PREVENTION. holistic practices are so much better because these doctors want to find the wellness in you. they take time with you and you are not just a number in their waiting room. i supplement my medical business with holistics measures. i would much rather find foods in nature, herbs, and acupressure to release the toxins in my body to PREVENT a flare up than to take steroids to lesson the pain in one.

i found out that the steriods i took years ago, stayed in my nervous system for almost a year and have damaged my liver. i am still trying to detoxify my body in order find that balance in my temple once again.