sigh
vanessa and i went to see van hunt at amoeba's today. yes, check him out. talented musician, romantic neo soul/funk love songs with wonderful soulful singing and a fine ass brother man. he's dope!














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[listening] morcheeba.the big calm and the rain hitting the window pane
[burning] vanilla candles and super hit incense
[buzzing] off of some coffee from jan's on beverly blvd
[thinking] of the one who actually wants to know what i am feeling

had a deep conversation with b last night. we always have deep conversations but they are normally of social or political banter. no, last night, we talked about our feelings. our fears. our concerns.

its been awhile since both of us has been in a relationship. we both want to be responsible in this journey together. i normally like to process my workings first before i talk about them. he is different. he wants to be part of the process. i am not used to that.

it was hard opening up and spilling my business all over the table. it was scary. i cried. i thought i was strong enough to harness my emotional side and control my rational side. i was messy. he said human beings are messy and that is the beauty of it. there is room to move around, to take back what is said, to organize the melee within myself. he wanted me to trust him when i am vulnerable.

i have been on my own for so long, its tough to just close my eyes and dive in. but i know he got me. i just have to remind myself and center self so that fear doesn't keep me from something wonderful.

Fear can stop you loving
Love can stop your fear
Fear can stop you loving
But it's not always that clear
------------- morcheeba "fear and love"

(((( inhale ))) dive...