a fan's defense of the matrix 3

i read this shit and i nearly pee'ed my pants....

=========================

I don't have such high expectations of a Keanu
Reeves movie that I leave the theatre bitching
and neither should you!

Hello people....it's Keanu Reeves....when you
sign on for a Keanu Reeves movie you know
what you're getting so stop trying to bag on his
acting. Yes, he sucks in romance movies or
anything dramatic....but when he says "I know
kung fu" in the first Matrix...well shit, i nearly
screamed out loud at how genius that line
was in both content and delivery.
Remember...Winona ruined Dracula, not
Keanu. Before I hear ONE more of you bitch
about how he couldn't act his way out of a
paper bag, answer me this: How great would
the Matrix be with Sean Penn or Kevin Spacey
or Nicholas Cage or any other "master of the
craft" playing Neo? Neo does not require a
nuanced performance. He needs to look
good in a cloak and be able to say things like
"Aha...an upgrade" in that lovely deadpan.

Lighten up people. Put down your friggin' 10
sided dice long enough to eat your popcorn
and enjoy the light show. It's the god damned
Matrix 3 for fucks sake. How good do you
really expect it to be? I liked it a lot!!! (There. I
said it!) At least we don't have to sit through
another cringe-worthy futuristic apocalyptic
rave scene where everyone is dancing like
they're in a Nelly video in slow-mo. Yes, there
are a bunch of pointless characters and
storylines in this one and it's easy to get
distracted by inanimate objects like the train
guy's teeth, Monica Belluci's boobs, the
cookies, those machines that look like a cross
between scrubbing bubbles and
calamari...blah blah blah and you can't see the
point of spending five minutes setting up a
scene where two hot dykey looking chicks
shoot rocket launchers and destroy the drilling
penis machine but so friggin what? I *know*
you're the same people that will sit through a
Knight's Tale stomping your feet and clapping
your hands mindlessly to "We Will Rock You"
and you know you all scream "YEAH"
whenever Lucy Lui comes on screen in
Charlie's Angels 2 and you are SO busted for
owning Oceans 11 on DVD so y'all need to
shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!
-jeannette

P.S. This is a message for the two
40-something men sitting behind me with the
light sabres who clucked disapprovingly about
story arc and symbolism and philosophy
during the entire film: YOU ARE NOT
ALLOWED TO OPEN YOUR MOUTHS and
have an opinion about ANYTHING when you're
sitting in a theatre with two plastic green light
sabres glowing. You're so lucky Mark grabbed
my arm and kept forbidding me from verbally
destroying you. I sit at home and scream
"NERD!" at the people who track the Loch
Ness monster on the Discovery channel and
they aren't even being assholes...and they
actually know about science...and saying a
chaotic evil dwarf trumps a neutral good elf or
whatever isn't science. Next time leave your
light sabres at home or it won't be pretty.