too many things happening too soon and too fast.

i am sooooooo effin' confused.

close my eyes, i meditate, ask for God's guidance. i open them again, and i am confused again.

as my grandmother told me once upon a time: "you already know."

shit, do i?

started working today.

its cool

waking up was something interesting. i didn't realize how pretty the birds sounded at 5am in the morning.

and being that today is the first day of a tremendous task, the boss asked me to chill a bit. and relax.

cuz i am sure there are days where it is not going to be so leisure.

i didn't realize how hot the day gets.

or how busy the streets are.

or how setting your life in a schedule makes the creativity comes out more.

its as if you boil something all the way down to its precipitate. life is going to run me so ragged that when i do create, i will be creating things at its purest form because i have held out for so long till i can get to my design/art studio.

boiled down to its precipitate.

assuming i don't get burnt out...

"Now You're Gone"
by floetry

Laundered linen sheets
Touch me their coldness
And thoughts I can’t repeat
Shock me with their boldness
Why did my mind and body believe,
That you would never leave them?
Now there’s parts of me that blame,
Or well they force me to deceive them
So come back and relieve them

Who would steal you?
I still feel you
Now you’re gone
These are lies
They’re not real
This is more than I can feel
This is wrong [3x]

A bath so hot it almost scolds
And I let the warm surround me
I slide down
Till only my face shows
But I feel colder now
Than before you found me
When u used to pin me down
The clarity in your intent
But if you mind was somewhere else
I cant better anything you can invent
I thought you understood how much you meant

Who would steal you?
I still feel you
Now you’re gone
And these are lies
It’s not real
This is more than I can feel
It’s all wrong
Now you’re gone
I work hard to carry on
If you could’ve seen
How I’ve been
Then you’d know how much you meant

Who would steal you
I feel you
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
Gone
Gone
Gone
Don’t you know how much you meant?

Who would steal you?
I still feel you
Now you’re gone
These are lies
They’re not real
This is more than I can feel
This is wrong



================

i would say majority of the times, i am fine. the universe knows how to deal with me by giving me lots and lots to do. or maybe in the spirit of how i welcomed the new year, by letting go of things i don't need, making room of new energy, life has a way of just doing that- making room for me to focus on what i need to focus on. I have faith, and all i want is what is divinely mine.God knows this and its a way of me of practicing faith.

but then i have moments like this morning where the hurt still lingers. and its okay. because i allowed myself to love hard, even when we had so much against us. but i loved hard enough to move mountains. or at least i would like to believe. now i got faith that can move mountains.

i was told that it is not my time for love yet. i knew this but i didn't listen to my head.but now i know it is possible. and that's a beautiful thing.