caller id

we all have one. that one love that fucked you up soo badly that it completely changes you as a person. the one love that builds character in a person that preachers claim is the reason why life's tribulations beats the shit out of you. "you become a strong person. a piece of coal must go thru extreme pressure in order to become a diamond." it's the same love that fucks you up so badly, that if you are not careful, can turn you into a cold-hearted curmudgeon that is so cynical towards romance, nobody can ever plant seeds in your heart because you keep uprooting it cuz "you're scared" or "you're not ready" or you simply don't know what the fuck to do with it.

but luckily, that type of love only happens once.

cuz you vow never ever to go thru that shit again.

until that love's number pops in your caller id.

see, mine called at 6:29pm. in the green screen is his number. 818-388-0xx4.

and one normally goes thru the obligatory "omigod. he called." and "should i call back?" and "what does he want?"

not me. not this time. i saw the number and just allowed myself to go down memory lane. i remembered what i want, what i need. what i don't need. it lasted about 30 secs, upon which i put the phone back on the cradle and then turned to God and said "bless him. hope he is well."

besides. maybe he sat on his cell phone and it accidently called me. after all, my name does start with an "a".

i dig my hair. please grow out, layers.

i just realized something...

that in the past several months,i allowed a part of me to die. the sad part is,i was totally unaware of it.

((picks up kali sticks))

let the training begin. the studying commence.

(( lacing up running shoes ))

cuz now, i am learning to finally say "no"

i just realized something...

that in the past several months,i allowed a part of me to die. the sad part is,i was totally unaware of it.

((picks up kali sticks))

let the training begin. the studying commence.

(( lacing up running shoes ))

cuz now, i am learning to finally say "no"

man, i am so stressed that i can feel my liver clawing from the inside of my abdomin. too much to do, in too little time. nausea is a frequent friend.

i know better days are coming. and when they do, i am going to grabbed them and tongue kiss them.

yea, just like that...

absolutely mindless crap that i need to spew out of my brain
-right before my moon phase, i get this zit on the same spot on my right cheek. it hurts.
-i love chocolate croissants. when i have only three hours of sleep and there is nothing in the fridge, it is my "savior" i savor
-yes, i know there are some major typos on my blog. they are streams of unconciousness
-yes, i know things are great
-yes, i know the wheel if fortunata spins
-i need to drink more water
-alcohol is a great way to find a whole lotta nothing
-editing video on my computer is not that fun
-i am going to be in three weddings in the next year. whoa. lots of formal dresses i rarely wear?
-my mom is hot, and she knows it
-i have to learn to say "no" sometimes
-"i am afraid of the dark, but can't sleep in the light"
-if i am going to continue to work at home, i need a better chair for my back

las vegas is a good reminder of things you think you want but in reality, you don't need.

what happens in vegas, stays in vegas? nope. clarity setted in the bellowing glare of lights, the clinkity clinks of coin fall, wrinkles if time sporting ben-gay, and personal jesus philosophy talks over two feet canisters of margaritas.

more later. let's just say, i am back.

well, not yet. still not home. but i am back.