modern day philosophy found in yo' own front yard

i got this rose bush outside, barely clinging to life. it's as old, if not, older than me. in the attempts to center self and to revert back to the earth, i decided to try to save it. after all, saving it runs parallel to the act of saving me. we grew up together.

after reading a garden book that i have borrowed from an ex's mother (and one that i have yet to return), i have read that the only way to save it is to prune the shit out of it. prune all the dead and dying matter down to its main stems, its center.

so i did and i was left with rose bush arms reaching for the sky, begging for the sky to cover its bare body. it looks almost ashamed to be there, bare for the world to see. i felt sorry and regret crept in as i might have cut just a little too much.

weeks rolled by and this morning, i realized that leaves has adorned the once scraggly, near-death rose bush. new branches has grown, spreading leaves out, trying to catch the sun. supple, swaying in the wind. i even saw a few rosebuds. lavender, yellow, red.

see, pruning is cutting out dead parts to improve growth. we exert energy in everything we do, including death. as we cut out things that are dying or dead to us, we can spend that energy LIVING.

imagine that.

slow down, babydoll

just got back from kickin' it with traci at The Coffee Table in silver lake. dry soy cappacinos and fat free snicker doodles accompanied the creative pow wow. my mind is going 100 mph and i can't seem to finish all the projects that i par take. i have several series of paintings and stenciling i need to do; five poems that are waiting to be done; clothes that are designed in the pages of my journal that needs to be sewn; shows that need to be produced; movies that need to be edited; all need to be done while while finishing several projects for clients.

i am a very busy girl.

very busy.

but i often think i don't do enough

until my friends come in and intervene the my slight depression.

i know things happen for a reason. i know my path leads me to other places. i know i have faith in what my life experiences have taught me and most of all, i have trust in where God guides me.

i dove into life and fell in love with it again. the obstacles in the road are strategically placed there for me to learn to go around or over come it. i have to remember the pain brings strength. i am not the same person i was five years ago. shit, i am not the same person i was last year.


but man, sometimes it is hard to remember to have fun. i am happy of where i am. i am happy people buy my art, come to my shows, believe in my vision where they would provide me space to create and express. and to them i thank. to god i thank. to my ancestors, i thank.

maybe i just need to remember to be more appreciative and remember to praise than to complain and be fearful.

summer shopping


in a world where what we don matters as much as what we say, wouldn't it be perfect to take that and pull it to the far extreme. clothing and activism is not a new concept but shit, if i can rock this at someone's wedding or sport this at the next musical, why not?

visit http://www.bodyasbillboard.com/

How to make a melanin_monroe

Ingredients: 1 part friendliness 5 parts brilliance 5 parts joy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

things my mind is preoccupied with

[ :( ] there is sexual predator in the miracle mile district and a brutal murderer in hollywood. i am soooooo not going to do my 6 mile urban walks at night any time soon

[ :) ] flo sent me a handwritten letter with pic of her sons. omigod. i am remembering why i am striving to be a better person

[ :( ] today, in the oprah show, oprah publicized and advertised the movie "white chics". terrible

[ :( ] no matter how much i sweep, i am always finding more and more hair

[ :) ] picked up another job today! wooo hooo!

[ :( ] mail came in today. still no paychecks.

timing

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb. --- Sir Winston Churchill

i was talking to vanessa last night. things are not going well with fil am arts and she has some major decisions to make. does she a.) stick it out and fight for an organization that she believes in, even if it means not getting paid but having the hope that things get better and the organization will survive or does she b.) go back to a safe job where she can at least be able to pay rent and pay the bills, but work in a non-creative enviroment whose commute alone would drain her of any energy left of creating.

i can vouch for her dismay. she is a literary arts curator who produces shows, supports artists, and creates a space where upcoming and establish artists can express themselves and where the youth can dabble freely in finding their own expression. i would feel the same way. there is no way i would want to go back to pushing numbers and shipping computer parts all day.

but there is this underlying fear of breaking off from your comfort zone in order to do something you want to do as oppose to doing something you have to do. man, i sometimes i wish i can find passion in being a dentist, or in being a doctor, or in being a... shit, i dunno, a butcher. but i don't. i am an artist. i want to own my own business. i want to call the shots. and that is why i am willing to put other things on hold until i solidify what i want and believe in.

shit, it gets hard. like right now. i am in between pay checks and living gets hard waiting for five paychecks to come in. but it comes with the territory.

i strive to be self sufficient. i strive to call my own shots. i strive to be in a place where i can raise a family on art and design.

but one has to quiet those fears, endure the hard times, taking those risks, and allowing yourself to learn, which means failing from time to time.

so here's to vanessa, who is going to take risks. who is going to be an entrepreneur. the ride is beautiful. but it can be rewarding. hang in there!

pretentious

pre·ten·tious - adj.
1. Claiming or demanding a position of distinction or merit, especially when unjustified.
2. Making or marked by an extravagant outward show; ostentatious

i am seeing more and more of the h2. why??? why do you need a souped up military vehicle that eats up more gas in a month than my civic does in six. why? why do you need stupid suv in the streets of la? you should see the people that drive it. i wonder if they take their hummers to the mountains, or in rough terrain. do they go off roading with it? i doubt it: it would mess up their chrome details.

the more i see them, the more i get disgusted.

my mom said she wanted one. whatever. we are far from the age where she needs to drive us all to soccer practice. they already have an expedition. it eats up gas like a mutherphucka and it is way too big to take it out for everyday outings.

you may think i am just being bitter because i can't afford one. whatever. i would much rather have a good reliable car and use the extra cash for other things. like traveling. like starting a business. like funding my own projects than to write grants for it. like helping out a buddy or a family member who would need it.

i guess i am bitter because there is something about driving an expensive cars that make people drive like assholes, thinking that they own the road. they drive slower and brake for no apparent reason. they cut you off. they take two parking spaces. they have no qualms about running you over if you cross the street.

you don't believe me? drive thru brentwood and you tell me happens.