life just happens too fast
had a talk to my kuya (big brother) the other day. he says i do too much. that my recent slump is my body's way of resisting the added stress. he told me that i needed to go away and recoop and that he is opening his home to me to do that. i love that man. and i do. i want to get away and curl up in fetal position and just sleep. i want to reawaken with a sound body and mind. i have been doing that every morning and night, meditating and quieting the jibber jabbering in my head that i call prayer. sometimes,i hear answers and basically, they are telling me to wait.

lis told me that i should delve into why "he" is there in my life and what the reason is. its funny how things just come full circle and that beyond the hurt and the pain, you are on higher ground. and it is funny how God has a way of pushing EVERYTHING aside in order to make me face certain situations so that i may have resolution and finally, closure.

my ex and i have been talking lately. it is odd. it doesnt hurt anymore when i talk to him. i don't get defensive when we speak. we laugh more and he shows a genuine interests in all i do. not only that, he has been supportive in my endeavors, which really caught me off guard. i had my guard up for a bit but seeing that he is sincere, i took the chance and i trusted him again.

so you know what this means, i can't villify him anymore. i forgave him and i am healed. the best part is that i can move on, and i am fully aware of this.

great. so now what am i going to write and paint about? hahahaha

why is he plaguing my mind right now? sheeesh. get out of my head and leave me alone.

sunday blues

when in doubt, resort to your faith to know that God is listening. right after posting that entry last thursday, immediately afterwards, things just started to fall into place. it was as if the Most High went "hmm... okay. you had enough." all praises due.

but now here i am, being lazy. i have tons of things to do, esp tending to my own personal projects. a month ago, i would have killed to have this time given to me and now that it is here, i sit around, drinking a mango smoothie and watching "jaws". i need this rest but how much rest do i seriously need to start getting off my toosh and rolling up the sleeves. i have a few ideas for paintings, need to rewrite a screen play, study anne sexton and pablo neruda poems, write for verbalisms, make more of my chapbooks and do laundry.

but all i want to do is pop in a movie and cozy up in my blankets and just chillllll...

i thought writing in my blog would have helped... no dice...

imma go take a job around the neighborhood...