on rotation: LTJ Butkem live in Tokyo
sippin': a cup of coffee
burning: nag champa and vanilla candles
wishing: to be at home with my dog

i ... am... so... sleepy. i am so incredibly tired. feeling a bit... uninspired.i resorted to a cup of coffee to get my juices flowing but instead, regrets are flowin'. coffee is bad for me. my chinese holistic doctor told me that. my healer told me that. shoot, my mom told me that. but she is like me. after she tells me it is bad, she gives me $20 and tells me to go how and get the both of us a soy latte. haha! i love you, my coffee addict mama!

i was sitting her chatting to kat ( we do this everyday. we chat and daydream during times when our jobs are just too unbearable) and we were planning the college tour of Poorhouse Projekts, Balagtasan Collective, Full Blown e., and Kiwi . since kat is too busy doing FPAC: Festival of Pilipino Arts and Culture, i decided to try to help as much as i can as far as booking and organizing goes while production of the magazine i am working on is slow.( besides, my two partners in the magazine venture also involved with FPAC.)

(( whew)) there is so much we have to do. media kits, press kits, photoshoots, making of products, contacting venues, pitching to them, scheduling artists by their time. add writing, rehearsing, and perfecting to that list. afterall, i am an artist too and i can't neglect that aspect if i want to perform. most likely, since i will be more so representing BC, i need to produce works that are indicative to the community and society. i can't be doing pieces on love all the time. that is the challenge for me- is to write a piece that is community minded and at the same time personal. there is a balance there. anybody can regurgitate information they heard on the news, in their books, and even through other people's poems. i need it to be from the heart. one good advice that don dada told me is " never bullshit your audience. they will know. just make sure it comes from the heart and they will better appreciate it." i feel that i have done that with "rendered... speechless", the poem about my dad.

oh well, i am not going to worry about it. i am not going to force myself either. if it comes to me, it come to me. my muse must come on her own cognizance.

feeling: benedryled out
feenin': ice tea with lots of ice
fearing: that my performance will suck on saturday
feeding: spirits of friends who don't see the light that i see in them

it is brought to my attention that the email form previously on the side bar is not working so i had to take it off. however, i did find a reblogger where you can post your comments after reading each post! woooooo hoooooo!

random thought 001:::...
don ( morton brother that lives with me) told me not to be as silly enough as to date a man who wears his hat to the side.

random thought 002:::...
natural deodorant does not work!!! i use herbal shampoo and conditioner, soap, and toothpaste but stay away from natural deodorant. you don't smell like jasmine at the end of the day. be'lee dat!

random thought 003:::...
if you seek the Most High first and you listen to your heart, then you are EXACTLY where you should be in life. never doubt the silence. something divine will come your way and you will not regret it.

"it does not require many words to speak the truth."
-Chief Joseph, Nez Perce

"here i stand, court jestering infinity/ fetal fists of revolution/ but open palms birth humility"- saul williams


(( whew )) the weekend had me dangling off the brink of conciousness like a participle to a poet's lip. lots to say and vent...


*sat morning*
had a final run-thru of the show. i did terrible. i was not "in" character. bah! this is my solo performance art piece. how can i not be "in" character when the character is me! i think it is a deep piece for me to delve into at the moment and i didn't really want to go thru with it. nevertheless, i was not happy with my performance and i was in a bit of a funk the rest of the morning.

*sat afternoon*
i went to fedex to pick up my package.(( insert giddy child like noise here)). tiggr bought me a long board deck simply cause he said "i deserve it!"
(sigh)
tiggr, YOU ARE THE BOMB!!!! as the internet world is my witness, allow me to bestow upon to you my humble gratitude! THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU! MUAH!!!

*sat evening
went to vanessa's literary reading. it was peace to hear great works from pinay writers! much respect to you, queens.

*sat night
ooooooh, nightlife at the knitting factory. in commemorationf of brian's bday month, we all hopped over to hollywood for a dose of dilated people and the beatjunkies. i didn't do laundry so i wore my puma sweat suit. i felt like i was 19 again esp when they spun gangstar, mc breeze, blacksheep, and blackstar. danced the whole night. shorty was in town and that was hella peace. she busts out,"sistah! i saw you out there poppin' and lockin'! been watching you for 10 mins. you rep LA well!' (( feeling so damn honored and inspired)) i don't think i may ever wear heels to a club again...

my future seed shall be like him.

*sunday morning
slept late. missed church ((( so sorry God )))

*sunday afternoon
deejay and i went shopping! ((okay, stop clowning)). we were actually really good that day.(( mischievious look)). OKAY, fine.so i bought a pair of funky red leather mary janes. imelda marcos would be proud.

*sunday evening
went to visit mom. my dad made me a vase. three months til he comes home. i can't wait. i was blessed enough to be there when he called. no matter how old i get, i am still daddy's little girl. wouldn't change that for the world. i will just not tell him about the piercings. (doh!)

*sunday night
bambu and poorhouse projekts had a show. though it was a bambu show, everybody did a mini set. ashkan did "oh billy"; faniks did "clap your hands"; jedi beat juggled. at the end, bam says "there is one more member of the crew, miss alfadesiac!"... i shuddered...i jumped on stage... jedi dropped a beat... i paniced... i had no intention of performing that night. god damn! so, i did "dare".

later on bam says,"i didn't want you to do spoken word, i wanted you to FLOW!'

say what????

ok, i am off to SIPA. gotta pick up my mic stand from wendall and then laundry. i am one panty short of going commando. too much info? deal with it.